all_zy_hv_to_say

fly me to Turkey ~

2012-02-07T09:05:00.000-08:00

Kim Jaejoong,05/02/2012

Ankara University,Turkey.

:')

meanwhile in Hosp Serdang,Malaysia (05/02/2012):

zy masri

was struggling with her dry throat and injected eyes,while clerking the recurrent tonsillitis and URTIs, the MC seekers, the right diabetic foot ulcer with DXT 24.4,the guy with PLT of 34 who needs a medical referral to the garang m.o,the loong referral letter to MOPD,the lack of scan machine and the i-can't-live-without pink handwash,the ongoing hunger ,the cold oh so cold aircond yg tak boleh dikawal and her so-rimas white coat :')

bertabahlah ida :) chaiyo!~~

p/s: ida, bila kamu rasa sgt penat,letih dan teruk dan seolah dunia ini tidak adil untuk kamu....

ingatlah...kerja kamu itu ibadah, buat membeli tiket kelas pertama ke syurga:)

curry.chest pain.and cruel truth.

2012-02-03T17:50:00.001-08:00

i was just back home from my night locum.

*i was rather quite at stake financially now- that's why i decided to spend my sweet saturday night seeing acute pharyngitis and blatant,red conjunctivitis,deftly saying 'hi' to toddlers,tonsils and timid,menorrhagia ladies and signing MCs while feigning sympathy..(ohhh i actually don't want to give him MC (he oh-didn't-that-deserving,.. but yeah~~~~the temperature is a bit off so yeah~here it goes)

being at home feels oh-so -good;)
hunger growls inside me.

so i ate some curry with rice.
wash it off with a glass of guava juice and next i went to the kitchen to wash my dirty plates.

and that's when it suddenly happens.

It happens.

To me.Of all people.

Angina.

That severe,excruciating pain.
In my chest.
It was so textbook-like that it makes my mind goes totally blank for a second.
It was shocking.

Pressing.
An undescribabble heaviness.
Never in the epigastric .It was left sided. It was not radiating but totally choking.
Squeezing my heart out of blood and kicking the oxygen out of me.
Cruel.
Too cruel.

*previously for the past 8 years,i've been listening about it from the mouths of my patient,and it never crossed my imagination that I would be the one also,...? having it??????
Am i??
Is this how it feels???
God,..this is,......ridiculous!!!
This is totally ....tak masuk akal???

I am 27 ! Life is not fair!!~~*

I immediately took few very deep breaths in the hopes that it was just some kind of pleuritic pain that will go away with time.
Slowly...but nothing happens.
But not,it didn't get worsened with my respirations as what i'd hoped. It was just there. There.Still it is.
Like it was the most normal thing to happen after a 27 year old girl post prandial with some curry and rice who was about to wash her dishes at 12 in the midnight.

This feels so weird,i tell you..
*It feels like there's a big black cloth being wrapped multiple times around my small heart, and then being slowly tightened around it while being repeatedly twisted into a deep,dead knot,crushing my heart into a dead,minced piece of meat..*

I stood in front of the kitchen sink.
My mind was black and blank.
I breathed asynchronically.
The pain send a chilly,deadly tickle along my spine.
Feels like somebody had cut out my ribs open,take out my heart and stepped and grinded on it on the floor with their tennis shoes (or killer heels).

Please stop.

But no.
And here comes the palpitations.
The tremble.
Oh no.Not now.
Not now. Not here.

And then my mom saw me and my weird facial expressions.

"ida,...kenapa tu..?"
"......................"*aku terdiam tak tau nak cakap apa*
"kenapa ni?"
"sakit dada lah mak,.....hmm....er..maybe sbb ida makan byk sangat kot"*menyedapkan hati*
"rehatlah ida,dah nak tgh malam pun dah ni.jgn tido lewat sgt.."

I nodded and weakly smiled.I guess my mom had saw my pale face ala Robert Pattinson just now but i hope that it was just my imagination.

I ran up the stairs and into my room.
I trashed myself on my bed and my head on my red,silk pillow. (just changed it to red yesterday-i actually officially bought that red satin bedsheet segala to kind of 'celebrate' Chinese New Year and planned to use it on the CNY day (sooo in the mood for red haha) but end up using it 2 weeks later.Pfft.
*sbb malas nak pasang :P*

I lied down.
The pain suddenly dies down.
I began to think about the contents of my medication box. No gliceryl trinitrate there included. No aspirin. Should i buy those? One bottle?Two?
If in case.....???

I don't know what that was.
Was it angina?
I hope it was not.
It was so,... frightening.

It lasted for 3 minutes or so but it left such a big change on me.
Yes,you saw it for yourself...not ONLY obese,cholestrolemic,hardcore smoker people died because of heart attack.
Young,healthy people were also exposed to the risk.

And the thought hits me.

"Am i dying??"
"Is this how it feels?"
"Is this what happens to Hani Mohsin/Reggie Lewis/Gareth Jones before they died??"

*actually i don't know who Reggie Lewis or Gareth Jones was, i just googled them under the key search of 'young people who died due to heart attack* :'(

I soothed myself, repeatedly telling myself that it's just a normal thing due to me feeling too stresses out or overworked.New place.Not getting my desired department and all.Not enough exercises and physical activities,maybe...and i fell asleep worrying it off.

............................................

i googled about it the next day.
Indeed,i am very very very worried.(tipu saya kata saya tak bimbang)

and after an extensive reading session,i'd come to a final conclusion that....
.............it was actually
=Printzmetal's angina

a symptom 1st described by Dr Myron Printzmetal
which occurs more often in younger women(check.especially yg malas bersenam mcm i ni kah?)
a condition caused by sudden vasospasm(narrowing) of the coronary arteries which typically occurs at night(check),mostly happens at rest rather than on exertion (check).

okay,i'd self-diagnosed myself today.
:')

*slowly walks to kitchen,while automatically avoiding the kitchen sink.and pouring myself another glass of guava juice while calling a celebration)

Ida,please jaga kesihatan.
ini cuma Allah mahu tunjuk dan beri ingatan pada kamu;

Bahawa muda ,sihat dan kuat itu ,..tak semestinya diberi pinjam lama.

Maka.
Bersyukurlah dengan nikmat Tuhan.

*diam*

hey gadis,tidak semua kau ingin kau akan dapat

2012-01-30T05:12:00.000-08:00

okay hari ini mari bercerita tentang keinginan:)

keinginan-keinginan saya.
keinginan-keinginan kita.
keinginan-keinginan saya,kamu,dia dan kita: semua tidak terkecuali.

samada yg terang-terangan
terlukis dalam riak wajah,
hatta,yg tersembunyi
terukir di bintang
atau
tercoret sembunyi
dalam diari kecil berhias corak hati.

hey... u know what??
:)
sungguh indah that word.
kan?

k e i n g i n a n..

*bunyinya agak sedikit indon indon ~~er..so maybe that's why ia agak puitis barangkali:')*

saya bangkit seawal 5.45 pagi ini hari.
bergosok gigi,berlisterine,dan berkrim spf15 (sbb tempat parking kini sudah agak sedikit jauh maka kemungkinan kulit akan terdedah pada terik mentari pagi nnt ecece)
menyelongkar almari mncari baju paling sesuai.
maklumlaa hari ni my first day kat hospital serdang.

wow,rasa cuak semamcam...mcm budak freshie nerd gila skema yg baru pindah yg akan melapor diri di kolej barunya yg cuak2 takut2 nnt kene buli ngan geng2 glamor girls kat kafe kolej just sbb dey all jeles ngan i !*haha!*
wth laa ida T_T

okay,then i settled with a black skirt and a black chekered kemeja with a pair of black cardigan and a black scarf.
" hey is someone going to a funeral here...?"
not.i just want to appear and to give an impression of ,...err... a mysterious lil' girl on my 1st day..*senyum penuh misteri*.....

(HAHA!)
kau tipu....:p sbb baju tu yg paling senang gosok kan? haha!~

jam 6.35 pagi.
langit subuh ungu biru di ufuk timur.

dan
di saat insan2 lain sedang lena diulit comforter ikea dan lembutnya si tilam empuk
kini saya telah dan terpaksa berhadapan dgn mimpi saya yang paling ngeri sbg warga kay el.
bukan,bukan mimpi jumpa ular.:P

tapi...
kongesti trafik.
traffic jam.

kereta saya bergerak seperlahan perlahannya.
hatta kalau semut berlumba dengan kereta saya,misti semut tu dah berdekah2 gelak ketawa tinggalkan saya :'((

lemas
mata jerih
memandang kelip2 lampu merah
bagai kelip bintang yg bertali hingga ke titik infiniti
rasa mual
ketat pekat
berkulum2 berkumpul dalam rongga tekak

dan
paru paru
rasa dihiris disiat pedih
oleh si bilah pedang yg dibeku ais
*eh aphal teruk bebena simptom2 kau!!!??*-ok yg part paru2 ni i eksagerasi haha

dan lutut?
(usah dikata,aga knya udah menangis mau diberi injeksi glucosamine sulphate IV)

dan
sewaktu detik saya terperangkap

saya menyelongkar koleksi cd
dan eh2 terpasang cd peter pan (apakah)

wow.suprisingly cd tu masih baik kualitinya:)
(walau ia sudah hampir mungkin diputar untuk lebih keseribu kalinya i guess)
dan saya teringat..,
berkecah di dapur membuat cheese cake bersama mun dan dyah (sambil pasang lagu peter pan)
i tak buat,i tukang tengok je :')

dan kemudian,
pasang cd Tohoshinki layan lagu jepun sedas dua
ok stop it.i dah start jadi emo bila lagu "Stand by You" berkumandang.

last2 i pasang radio.
then i tutup radio terus sbb tb2 rasa serabut.

i cuba tenangkan hati.
kosongkan gyrus dan pons dan ventricle.
teringat ibu.
dan betapa bertuahnya aku dapat mencium tangan ibu setiap pagi sebelum pergi kerja:')
tentang betapa bertuahnya aku pulang disambut gelak aiman dan masakan panas ibu:)).
oh ya ~semalam mak masak sardin pedas kesukaan ida^^

ida ada ulcer besar bentuk naga kat buccal mucosa sebelah kiri,tapi sbb sardin tu sedap ssgt n mmg my faveret,i pun belasah jugak
tnp menghiraukan faktor keselamatan dan kesihatan:)

aarGGHHH.!!!~~~~*ulcer meletup*

but the feeling of the creamy and deliciously fresh mackerel swimming in the succulent and spicy chilly gravy of the tomatoey texture of the sardine cream made the pain ,..simply melt away~~~~~

=heaven doh~~~!!^^

ya aku mmg
suka sardin mama lebih dari segala makanan mahal2 dan eksklusif2 di dunia ini!~

.................................*berkhayal*

eh eh
keta depan dan bergerak.

ok,slow2 lepaskan pedal brek.
dan kereta saya bergerak pada 1/10 kelajuan semut ke depan.

saya mengeluh kecil.
radio sedikit dikuatkan.
aircond sedikit diperlahankan.

........................
subuh2 begini
kesejukan artifisial bisa membuat temulang saya bagai keras membeku.
dan aku merenung pada si langit yg sudah mula mencerah merah.
sedikit jingga,dan matahari mula menguak sinar
mencahaya alam maya:)

dan aku
sedikit terpukau.
sinarnya, begitu menyilau,
namun masih
begitu lembut dan menenangkan...:)

keinginan2 saya.

1.saya mahu terus mencium tangan ibu saban pagi sebelum ke tempat kerja

kerna itu satunya bukti saya masih memiliki org yg paling amat kasihkan saya:')

2.saya mahu terus berbakti mencurah tenaga, ilmu dan apa sahaja yg terdaya diberi selagi hayat masih bersisa di badan :)

p/s: bila sy melapor diri nnt,firasat sy kuat mengatakan bhw saya mungkin tidak akan berterusan dapat 'memadu cinta' dengan Paeds yg amat sy damba dan kasihi...,tp ya,siapalah saya utk berharap Tuhan mengabul secara terperinci setiap satu persatu apa yg didoakan...???

3.saya masih bertuah.terlalu amat bertuah.masih memiliki keluarga.sahabat.kecintaan pada fotografi,awan,kanak2 dan deru ombak laut,dan berbagai lagi keindahan ekstra dalam hidup yg tak mungkin tergantikan:).

4.dan saya berazam,saya tak akan putus semangat,dalam mencari dia.
Dia.
Yg tertulis namanya di Luh Mahfuz:).
*dan terukir di bintang juga barangkali*

nnt bila jumpa dia,sy mungkin akan marah2 sedikit:)
dan lepas tu saya mungkin akan kata,dlm nada marah2 sayang...,

"penat saya tunggu/carik/rindu kan awak tau ;')"

.......................................................
dan hati
tiba2 rasa bagai digigit gigit.

eh?

kesayangan :')

2012-01-27T07:53:00.000-08:00

genap setahun 7 bulan saya jadi makhluk pulau

:')

mcm2 cerita suka dan duka dan cuka dan luka :')

drive pagi buta ke LCCT mata kuyu2 sepet2 jam 5.30 pagi untuk kejar flight pagi balik ke Labuan ohoii ~~ sungguh-depresi T_T

melantak mcd seminggu 2 kali everytime kebulur time oncall sampaikan cholestrol level naik mcm saham Nikkei *sbb dah takde makanan laen yg 24 hours di labuan aduhaiii :'( *

escort patient naik heli yg-oh-my-gile-kool-mcm-muvie-G.I Joe-dan-feri-speedboat laut bergelora ala james bond segala :')

bertukar bahasa ibunda kepada bahasa sabah/labuan/kadazan "bulih baaah kalu kau,inda mau begitu yada yada"~~~(yg ohh--sungguhlaa still sgt2laa 'fail' haha!)

ok,i rindu ...!

p/s: i rindu kat staff dan kawan2 seperjuangan kesayangan je, tak rindu kat Labuan okay :') ~~~

ok penat jetlag tak habes lagi so sempat uplod 4 gambar dan tulis bebrapa kerat sahaja ,nnt i rajen i story lagi okay ;)

posmen ke syurga

2012-01-20T22:44:00.000-08:00

okay , morale of the story kalu ada org yg tak dikenali tb2 hulur air mineral,jgn ambek okay.. but i guess this rule didn't apply in korea..:P.

:)

i want to kidnap this guy

2012-01-16T05:41:00.000-08:00

and ask him to play his guitar at the entrance of Pavilion while i go around holding a hat and collect the money/donations aka his manager.
i bet,

= i'll be richer than Dato' Lee Chong Wei lor~~~...!

;)
haha~!

sheesh,..ur skills really make me wanna cry :')~~

makcik kenya comel

2012-01-14T09:22:00.000-08:00

cik Yuna sgt talented
suara sgt comel

kan?:)
*tapi err~ syg nmpk leher lah pulak*

and here's some strange/funny comments i saw on youtube on her videos:

1-"when i see the name "Yuna",i think of Final Fantasy" (LOL!)

2-"Yuna is like the female version of Jason Mraz" (and that's a good thing)

3-"Yuna,..baliklaa Batu Gajah ! "(ni misti fans Batu Gajah (aka hometown Yuna) yg bengang psl dia mai2 asyik perform kat omputeh jaa haha ^^)

4- "Malaysia Boleh!"

Malaysia mmg boleh ^^

p/s: Converse M'sia ,please ....ameklah Yuna jadi model kasut you oll..sure gempak boomboom pow you punye sales okay ^^ :')

Lots of love,
from,
si pencinta Converse black n white RM115.90

you have been loved

2012-01-09T01:20:00.000-08:00

You shot me up, yeah
You filled my cup, oh
You sailed my boat
You were my last hope
You took my very last hope away

Oh you, you will be loved by someone good
And you, you will be loved by somebody good
You have been loved

You dropped the bomb
And now you're gone
I held you dear
You swallowed my fears
And now I've drunk my last beer with you

Oh you, you have been loved by someone good
Yeah you, you will be loved
Oh will you ever know
That the bitterness and anger left me long ago
Only sadness remains
And it will pass

Yeah you you will be loved by somebody good
By somebody good

------------------------------------------------------------

Dear you,

the 1st guy i baked a cheese cake for (bergelut dgn tepung dan mentega-although u know it that i hate baking so much)

the guy that i'd walked in the renyai hujan to starbucks in front of the hospital to get a cup of macchiato for.

the guy that i drove 140kmh and nearly killed myself for(so that i manage to make it on time- to see you before you punched out after you finished your morning shift-just because i miss you so much -even we've just met yesterday at work)

You.

You,Q.I.H,...

*even typing your initials made my heart thumps a few beats faster*

You.

You've been loved by me.

Always.

And after this,..

you'll be loved by somebody good,..

and i wish and pray hard that she'll be (and must be) even better than me.

Trust me.

Trust Allah.

manipal mari.

2012-01-08T04:06:00.000-08:00

spending a few hours at Mun's place in Manipal (MMMC) aka Malacca Manipal Medical College ;)

miss her already :')

insyaAllah,if everything dipermudahkan Tuhan,she'll be the 4th doctor in our family ~~

syukur,

apa lagi yg kami mahukan..

selain hidup

dikasih orang

dan terpentingnya

disayang Tuhan

dan ditempahkan awal

tiket ke syurga:') ?

(aminnn~~~)

p/s: kami sgt jealous sbb Mun beli 'Bailey and Love'

= that freaking awesome (but super mahal) surgical textbook ~~ T_T

good for them,coz books from India is a lot cheaper,envy you all hokayy ~~~ hihi !

i never thought,...

2012-01-06T07:21:00.000-08:00

i never thought,..
that a hello kitty suit would look really good on a guy

until i saw this...,
:')

kim jaejoong -on an upclose shot -from an HD self cam----->
=will definitely be the death of me..
*insert epic fangirl moment squeal ^^*

i just love the moment
when he eats nom nom nom~~~
when his mom pat his cheeks lovingly :)))
and when he played with his niece.
:))))))))))))))

aww,just awww :D

*and melts and turns to goo and evaporates into a cloud.*

pantai pantai rindu

2012-01-06T01:57:00.001-08:00

pantai pantai

gadis gadis

tawa tawa

tangis tangis

warna warna

dan

magis magis

yg telah

aku lalui

dan

bakal

aku rindui

:')

okay~~

pantai2 rindu bukan ombak rindu ye~~

Oh saya punyelaa kutuk muvie ombak rindu in the 1st place ekceli :p

=== tapi bila dah tertengok hah ambek kau menangis sebak2 bergenang air mata segala lah pulak,..

hisyyy~~sentimental helpless betul lah ngkau ni senah ~~~

na koi raat hai

2012-01-06T01:13:00.001-08:00

selepas layan si hindi movie,maka haruslah dinner mengikut tema ^^

semalam menonton "Don 2" bersama sayang-sayang saya :)

(read: adik2 sedarah sedaging)

wow

i'm amazed.

better than Don1.

awesome ! ~~~

a very well-executed story :)

=perfect crime,i must say:)

plus watak tambahan si ridzuan hashim yg tb2 enterprem (yup,gals,it's him ahaha..tb2 rasa proud ada pelakon melayu dlm muvie srk ahaha!) yg bergelar raja kokain cawangan thailand dgn topi jerami,sunglas dan kemeja kolar besar sengaja-malas-nak-butang,..dan bercakap thailand tiba2 bergaduh dgn srk ala2 gangster (sebelum menemui ajal secara tembakan mesin gun scr eh eh mati katak tiba2 di tangan Don yg ala2 katang and bertatu abjad "D")

dan juga ashraff muslim :p (eh silap adi putra)

yg pernah suatu masa dahulu brutal nak mati dgn watak "Jai" dlm muvie KL Gangster yg tiba2 berambut sisir skema sepeng bersuit bertie kot segala dan eh eh menjadi peguambicara (dan penyeludup bakteria Escherica Coli atau Taenia Solium ke Penjara Melaka dan disorok dalam tangki simbah tandas kubikel no 2)

tettttt.sungguh byk spoiler di situ ya :')

--------------------------------------

our monthly 'date' di Pavilion

kami:)

polka dot dress, t-shirt navy green dan sneakers Converse

dan sandwich tuna panas2

dan teh o ais limau share bertiga

dan fritzy ribena thirst quencher di level 2 pavillion ;)

dan drive malam2 bergelak bersama

dan roticanai panas2 jam 2 pagi di kedai mamak

berceloteh dan bergurau sehilainya

:))))

bersama sayang2 saya:)

=is such a total bliss ^^ !

ok,jom dengar lagu ni:)

sambil berangan drive laju2 selaju sehebat encik Don sambil melarikan diri dari Interpol dan melanggar kereta2 org jahat dan melompat menjunam dan menuruni tangga ke lorong pejalan bawah kaki bawah tanah sampai kemek bumper depan dan meletupkan lampu isyarat dan mengkemekkan kereta2 rakyat2 lain tanpa sedikitpun diri sendiri tercedera ~ oh :D

banned songs

2011-12-30T19:09:00.000-08:00

mcm biasa,
saya speechless.

speechless when they just,.....
simply breaths/talks/walks/sings.
:)

*too bad they no longer can sing ALL their japanese songs after the lawsuit*

a h h h
w h a t - a - w a s t e .....
*tumbuks and bricks self* :'(

Yup.
JYJ sued their own company.
Their own company in which they debuted from.

On July 31, 2009, three of the members—Hero, Micky, and Xiah *stagename* (also known as Jaejoong, Yuchun and Junsu )—submitted an application to the Seoul Central District Court to determine the validity of their contract with SM Entertainment.
Through their lawyers, the members stated that the 13-year contract was excessively long, schedules were held out without the confirmation or permission of the members, contract terms have been extended and changed without their knowledge or consent and that the group's earnings were not fairly distributed to the members. Early termination penalty of their contract will cost them twice the profit that the group is estimated to earn for SM Entertainment the rest of the contract period. The news was enough to cause SM Entertainment's stock price to drop over 10% on the KOSPI(hahhh,amek kau!!!!) .

The Seoul Central District Court granted the three members a temporary contract injunction in October 2009 and stated that SM cannot interfere with their invididual activities but also that they can only act as members of TVXQ through SM Entertainment. The members have claimed that the contract was unfair and they were left out of proper profit distribution. The three replied that they hoped SM Entertainment would respect the court’s decision.

In response to the lawsuit, 120,000 TVXQ fans filed a petition against SM Entertainment’s long-term contracts to the Seoul District Court.(and i was like, OMG gila sweet korang!!and yup i signed the online petition too ^^).

TVXQ's Korean fanclub Cassiopeia, also filed for compensation from SM Entertainment for the cancelled SM Town Live Concert, as both SM and TVXQ initially stated that the concert would go on as planned; the concert was cancelled a week before its scheduled date.(like, gile dengki S.M ni ngan budak 3 org ni...tanak bagi can lansungT_T)

Currently, the main lawsuit to validate/invalidate the three members' contract with SM Entertainment is still ongoing. *prays hard*

"JYJ,
sueing your own 'parents'.....??? the very hands that nurture and feeds you??
how could you??? "

that's the way the media sees it.

but,
no it's definitely not like that.
not at all.
this proves that they have a stand.
that they wanted to be heard.
and they no longer want to be puppettered, just like those past grueling 6 years.

6 years,...
omg.
6 years terseksa.
pergh, macam matrik campur medical school okay...
(so random LOL)
camne laa u guys boleh tahan...??

And i firmly believe that justice, will prevail.
After all... :')
Right, jaechunsu??:)))

*i can't help but admiring Jae's super uber perfect teeth and smile in this vid, i never noticed it before though..but yeah,..
*terus tiba2 berus gigi-floss-listerine segala sbb rasa inferior sbb i still pakai braces..haha ^^ :D * dan oh ya,kene pakai losyen banyak2 juge T___T gile loser haha !!*

black silk ribbon

2011-12-29T06:36:00.000-08:00

Yuchun squirmed on the sofa. The TONE CD laid next to the table.He was at Track 12.Sipping cafe latte while slowly lip-synching through the lyrics, imagining the 5 of them singing it as a group.
It will be their 5th Japanese album if indeed they never ever broke up in the 1st place.

And strangely,his cafe latte suddenly tasted biter~~~~

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Junsu smiled.His left hand slowly twirling the mini Eiffel that Yunho gave him during one beautiful day on the streets of Paris.It immediately reminds him to sunny days, icecreams,flufy croissants, Canal St Martin,Pont Neuf.Changmin's weird Nikon shots.And their beautiful incidental, in-promptu "Oh~ Champ Elysses" acapella.

Junsu blinked.
Watery eyes.
Ahh~~ he cried again today...

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Changmin,adjusted the cream-colored trench coat that he'd once wore for their TAXI TV show. It's actually a birthday present from Yuchun,and Yuchun had been complaining like an ahjumma that it was such a nightmare when he went shopping for it as he's having quite a hard time to find one with the perfect length for Changmin.

Changmin ran his fingers along the nape of the coat,slowly feeling the texture beneath.
I miss you,hyung.

Changmin treasured it so much; both the trench and the whining 'ahjumma'.Just like the friendship that they shared ,clearly and eternally written all over it.
Treasuring it with his all..Even deeper -than his dear life.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Yunho stared at the poster of 5 of them (in their regal "Hug" dark blue and white striped costumes) that he hung inside his bedroom. High school uniforms, 5 perfect pairs safely kept in his walk-in closet.He is indeed the leader, with quite a quirky way in coaxing their manager to give all 5 pairs for him to keep.

As a remembrance of their debut;he said,as he know that one day,even after their SM Concert; that they'll be still performing again in that high-school suits.
As five,and that, he somehow, was very sure of.

Yuchun.Junsu.Changmin.Yunho.
Their eyes gleamed.

Heartbreaks.Heartaches.
They were just like dejavus.. -feels strangely familiar.
And painful ,..as always.

Night came.
Jae was tossing and turning in bed. His hair,a swath of black;toussled. His white T-shirt;plastered with midnight sweat.

The dreams are repeating itself.
Like a loop. Like a twisted memory. An untied knot in the past.
Gripping the blanket with all his might,as if he might lose himself in the depth and darkness of his repeated nightmares.And then he shot upwards, eyes shrieking in disbelief, pupils dilating with fear and agony.

And he was suddenly wide awake.
Jet black orbs staring into vicinity. Slowly, upon realizing that it was all just a dream; just a play orchestrated in his subconscious mind, he suddenly felt threatened, played and were being denied existence in this real world.

"Would you call it a nightmare still ,if it was the only realm in which you could meet with the only 2 person you wanted to see the most in this world,right now; Even more than anything?"

What being real and true to yourself ,really and truly means...?

He couldn't seem to figure that one up since Day 1 they were being cruelly seperated and denied brotherhood.

What is real anyway?
If the reality itself is the most sickening truth that he couldn't even swallow up till
now.

Fate must be playing cruel joke on him again.
Pity you, Kim Jae Joong. Since the day of the lawsuit, his dreams had been almost being about them,and it was almost always the same.
It was so fucking real; the details were fucking perfect.

Changmin and Yunho and he himself, together on a piano seat, Jae in the centre, playing the "Fallen Leaves", a music that he himself composed since they were still in their glorious TVXQ/THSK days.Yunho;the gentle waft of his perfume,while both hands resting on Jae's shoulder, and Changmin sitting crossleggedly on the edge of the seat, watching while smiling with his mismatched eyes,just like a 12 year old kid.
Ah God ~ he never ages..

Jae always teased both of them as they didn't quite have the talent on the keys, but that never made him love them any lesser. And he will ended tearing up on most
nights.
He loved this dream, and the fact that it was so beautiful and so real, made it hurts..even greater.

But tonight,for the very 1st time, he didn't dream on serenading his two brothers. He kind of dreamt (or is it real he can't even be sure) that he saw both of them dead.

Dead.

As weird and strange as death itself, he found himself in a large,white hall.
He imediately smell grief in the air.
Lines of black limousines.
Flashing cameras.
Their celebrity friends in dark glasses and dark dresscodes; swollen eyes and puffed cheeks, crying in disbelief.
TVXQ banners.
Thousands of reporters.
And,..the strange black sea of their beloved Cassiopeia, no longer in red; in a loud murmur of
heartbroken weep.

White roses. White candles. And 2 black coffins side by side.

Jae was perplexed at first, but seeing those 2 large potraits adorned by black silk ribbon, perched on a bed of white roses; all his confusion switched to major disbelief.
He immediately saw it in the today's headlines. Loud; cruel and clear.

"Jung Yunho and Shim Changmin from World's Most Beloved Group;TVXQ, Passed Away due to Airplane Crash in Japan"

And the earth he stepped upon suddenly gives way.
His fragile body crashed, shattered to pieces like a Swarovski fallen from the sky,
and then, he ceased to breathe,..
and fell to a total,...complete darkness.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

All three of them were a bit sullen that morning.
Their photography session went in silence as they hardly joked or poked fun to each other as usual. And faking a great smile is surely their greatest forte now.

Post the photography session, it suddenly was snowing outside.
The snow came in soft drizzle. Fluffy, like it was raining small little clouds.

Tea in three cups.
And they sat huddled together on a sofa in a pure silence.
Arms linked in three.Like cats in winter.

.......................
And it was Junsu who spoke 1st.

"Jae,you,....by any chance...do you had the same dream... too??"

Jae was aghast and taken aback by Junsu's sudden remark. Shocked even.And then, Yuchun's soft eyes suddenly glistened.

"White roses.Black Cassies.Coffins ,..and Yunho and Changmin...and...tsk.." and the crybaby Yuchun abruptly trailed to hard sobs and hunched shoulders.

"Yuchun~!Junsu-yah~! Don't tell me that we shared the very same dream last night???!
About them,.....dead..???"

And Jae immediately crushed the two of them in a tight group hug,as if containing them from an unseen, bigger heartbreak.
A lesser hug indeed; but magically heartwarming nonetheless.
Sobbing had never felt ...This comforting..

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(HoMin part)

"Hyung,are you for real?"

"It's time,Changmin.It had been 3 years.A painful 3 years, being ridiculously puppetered by those rascals,are you sure that you can take it any longer??! Although it was clearly written that the contract officially ends in 2 more years,what the fuck,i'm not waiting and i don't want to.Screw the contract.It was not even legit to start with.So,what more are we waiting for....?'

".................Yunho-yah.....,are you really,really sure...?"

"I have this bad feeling,Changmin-ah.....That if not sooner or later...things will finally be, irreversible."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Happy birthday Jaejoongie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Junsu popped the crackers while Yuchun smeared the cream on Jae's nose and then drummed his fingers to the 'Happy Birthday' tunes on the piano.

Sooju,wine,beers,and cakes; these guys were quite squanderous when it came to celebrating their hyung's birthday.
Jaejoong turned 27 this year, but birthdays were a lonelier event since the lawsuit.
And cakes have to be eaten in a bigger portion as the other two were not here to celebrate it together.

Jae suddenly without uttering a word,gets up,and went to the balcony, leaving Yuchun and Junsu looking at each other. Weird.
Well,i guess...Here goes our melancholy,birthday baby Jae~~

Jae was finally alone.
Seoul night sky enveloped with brilliant lights from below.Cold winds brutally harrased his milky skin and he shuddered under his thick,fur jacket.

He closed his eyes,a silent prayer escaped his lips,as he dialled the numbers.Their numbers.

His usual habit during his birthdays is to try to give them a call, in the hopes of being able to say 'hi' to them,but to no avail.

As expected,it kept changing for the past 3 years,it gave him such a pain in the ass and this is the latest one that he got from one of their secret contacts in SM. And it ain't easy. And Jae too had also unwillingly change his own number quite a few times due to the too
many prank calls.
It's unavoidable ; one the costs/price of being a superstar.

'Damn, won't it be a lot easier if they had that Twitter stuff??'.Jae huffed under his breath,puffed clouds from his mouth while his teeth chattered in cold.

The bad dreams last night haunted him in every seconds.Crawling and clinging, to every bit of his skin.He didn't want that to,...happen.Before everything is too late,..he will need to fix it.
Before it's way too,........late.

Precisely four rings,and finally ,

"Yoeboseyo..?"

A glimmer of hope,he almost didn't believe it that he hit the jackpot this time.And Jae couldn't help but,smiled.

"Yunho-yah...,"
His voice were about to break into a husky cry again, but he continued, slightly breathless,
".....It's .....me."

Silence.
Yunho, on the other side-was way too shocked to even utter a word .

Finally, the two side spoke for the 1st time after 3 and a half years.
Two side.Two leaders,as being defined by time; but Jae himself can never bring himself to state that he is the leader of JYJ.

Freaking three years.
Freaking 1126 days.Damn.

"Jae..........!oh my God...!!! You know what?? I was about to call you..too ~!"

"Eh?""

"This was unbelievable.I was holding the phone,carefully punching in your number on the speed dial when suddenly BAM, you called me !!!~"
Yunho chuckled at the end of the line.
This is ..way too good to be true.

"Jae,...:)"
"Huh?"
"Happy birthday:).......Any wish?"

He never forgets.A true leader,as always.

And suddenly,a scuffle,and the next thing he hear is the sound of that kid.

"Hyung!!!Jaejoong-hyung~!!~!!!~"

"Changmin :).!!!" The evil-maknae that he missed like crazy.Tears were rolling up uncontrollably.
"YAAAHHH! Changmin -ah!!!!!!" Junsu came in and suddenly snatched the phone from Jaejoong but Jae swiftly dwindled and ran away to a corner.

"Here,actually Junsu and Yuchun was next to me right now.We're in a club, ZeO2 club in Gangnam area. Come let's join us.I have a very urgent matter to be discussed with you two.Please.."

And Yuchun who just came back from the toilet suddenly joins in the brawl. The three of them shrieked to the speaker and both Yunho and Changmin had a bad time in picking up what they're saying.

And then,Jae,Junsu,Yuchun and Yunho and Changmin.
The very best of friends.Reunited by a phone call.Under the Seoul night sky.
Strange,but sweet nevertheless.

And in seconds, they'd warm up like they'd just met and went for a drink last night.

"Jae,Chun and Junsu,we do have things to tell you too,a plan actually,..so sit tight..we'll be there in 20 minutes"

"Okay,we'll be waiting,even it'll take the rest of our lives...~~"

------------------------------------------------------

"For the very 1st time , as the opening performance for today's MNet Music Awards 2012,
presenting,...live performance from the Gods of the East..... TVXQ!!!!!!~~~~~~~~~~~~~"

Crowds blatantly roared in cheer;the enigmatic stage swiftly went black.
Anticipation rise; in tsunami high end waves.

Suddenly,soft music spirals in the background, a starkingly familiar tune.

And strangely there was 5 spotlights being shone instead of 2.

This music???? This is ...........????!!

The whistle.Cameras zoomed in.And the 5 spotlights suddenly shone to 5 empty chairs.

Five.

The crowds went aghast;loud gasps filled the large hall.

"Don't tell me that...."
"Chincha???Really?????For real???"
"TVXQ??? A comeback?????!"REALLY?????"

Phonecalls spread like fire.Twitters retwittered.Live show had never been hotter than this.Reporters suddenly swarmed in,creating chaos at the front stage.
Indeed, this is the most miraculous moment for Cassiopeias all over the world.

And suddenly,without warning, 5 guys in dark blue high school uniforms came, sat on the chairs and simply started to sing like it was the most natural thing on earth to do.

"Hug"-the godly acapella of five souls; that had been missing for nearly 3 years.

"Hug"- their magical debut in 2003, echoed heavenly throughout the hall, throughout the nation for the 1st time; an instant relief especially for those who had been miserably missing them for those 3 years,....

Tears that had been kept and hold back for those three years finally were being let flown,all of them cried,cried the tears of hapiness indeed,but still managed to maintain their composure and unwavering great vocals.

They linked arms,squeezed their hands together,feeling it fits each other again,perfectly as always, while swallowing the sweet enchantment of the raw truth ....; that they're finally five on the stage.

Five.

Their blood,boils like fire,drenched ferverntly with vigour; as being alive had never felt any better than this.
Just;like this.

They closed the song with a grouphug.
And..from now on,...it's five,and will always be...

Five.

And this is just... fucking,...perfect.

Perfect.
-Ends-

p/s:this is my entry for malaysian casiopeia "comeback"-themed fanfic contest ;)and I WON 2ND PLACE ~~~!!!!! *doing a heep-heep-hooray puss in boots latino-merry dance while dodging swords and knives*:))))

wrote it groggily in-between my oncalls,berterabur all over to start with : on the NICU computers,in between the kopi tumpah on papers in the busy ED,on my crumply bed,on desk and in between my rounds and intubations and yada yada:)

hope u enjoyed this ;)

sorry for the wrong ntah ntah hapa grammar whatsoever if u found some. coz sleep-deprived doctors never make a goood fic writers to start with ^^ *hihi peace* ;))

chocolat oubliés

2011-12-27T23:24:00.000-08:00

saya masih ingat

excited beli ini:)))

souvenier segala lah konon

dan won bertukar tangan:)

dan

terbayang si dia

menikmati coklat2 comel ini

dan senyum

dan koko mencair

secair si hati:))

dan

sambil menelaah pelajaran

atau berbual dengan famili-sahabat-teman kesayangan

lepak di sofa putih ruang tamunya-

bersama teh panas

diiringi tenteram alam

dan dingin bunyi hujan di KL

yg semerdu

konserto :)

---------------------------------------------------------

fast forward 8 months afterwards.

strangely,

i ended up not giving this gift to him.

(masih ia,terletak kemas cantik; berbalut dalam kertas pembalut berwarna keemasan)

tak tersentuh.

it never happens.

the ringing doorbell.the awkward smile.the deadly dejavus.the blood rushing.the hitched breaths.the soft,twinkling watery eyes.the simple 5 min chat.exchanging repertoires.and that simple 'thanks' from his lips.the 'take care' wishes. and the awkward farewell.

it all never happens.

entah.

terasa seperti

dia sudah total lupakan aku

erasekan aku dari memori dia.

complete reboot-something like that...

so,i decided,.....to let it go..

let it be,

dan oh~ sayang

sebab

aku baru teringat kembali akan si coklat jeju ini

kira 1 minggu lepas (!!)

dan oh no~~~it's waaay past the expiry date sudah !!! T___T

ida,aku tahu kamu nak nanges kuat2 sekarang kan??

Nabi S.A.W sungguh marah kita membazir makanan okay~~:'O

berpijak di bumi Tuhan

2011-12-27T22:39:00.000-08:00

hash brown dan saya ; adalah bagai irama dan lagu:)))

tempat lokum saya :)

dan wad paeds (oh rinduuuu ~~! rindu itu= dendam yg terindah...chewah!~~)

postcall-tidak jona-maka-jam 11 setelah mencoret diari dan menatap beberapa muka dari ECG casebook-maka tidur berulit selimut hospital yg oh gebu-di ICU room yg sejuk menggila-yg mulanya agak sedikit-nyenyak diganggu bingit2 dering resonan telefon meja sebelah

"dokter,ada patient RIF pain referred from GP,dokter ada G1P0 Pv bleed at 33 weeker-yada yada~dokter brape dose lactulose untuk 3 year old eh?dokter tolong review xray..yada yada- "

bangun pagi-mandi (oh sungguh cabaran yg besar untuk mandi pagi sejuk sejuk di dalam ICU yg oh Tuhan super mega sejuk sejuk-oh sungguh tidak membantu haha)-pakai scrubs with jeans (boleh ok sbb i postcall haha and some more it's weekend so bos takde haha)-hit a cup of caffeine(read: kopi arabika panas menggelegak lidah di dalam orange cup rm3.45- hihi kantoi saya curik2 ke McD untuk breakfast hihi)-dan ke wad 2 menyetel patient appendicitis yg mahu AOR discharge (at own risk discharge) ~~mau jumpa/cuba bomoh katanya (haha) aduhai~~

*apa bisa bomoh itu buat pada ususmu yg bengkak bernanah itu sayang ???* :") baca jampi dan asapkan-kemenyan dan pufff-tuih-tuih-segala dan ia akan pulih ???? :p

matahari sedikit tinggi-jam 7.30 seakan 8.30 di labuan ye anak2 -dan berjalan ke padang bola tepi hospital menghirup udara pagi-hujung seluar sedikit basah sbb padang bola biasenye basah pagi2 -standard laa tu~~

rumput ,oh :) lembut di tapak.masih berembun.bak tangis malam semalam.
dan matahari,oh masih segan di balik bingkis selimut si awan.

nah,betapa indah Tuhan ciptakan siang dan malam :) ,sayang...

maka mengapa masih mahu mengeluh....???? :)))

*syukur*

Cordova,Spain

2011-12-24T23:35:00.000-08:00

God,..this makes me so wanna go to Spain....^^!~~
Spain 2012.
Me and Haidi :),again insyaAllah.
(read: Cordova, not Barcelona)

*haidi=she's my travel-mate to Seoul and Jeju during last April 2011.
^^ and an awesome one;)

love the atmosphere pictured in the vid: cute lil' cafes, eating spaghettis by the roadside ala mamak style,historical buildings , winter and new people !~~^^

and guess what,i went for some shopping today(festive mood)
and sungguh ganjil bila i end up buying some winter clothes (??) and scarves (the one that gurls put/wrap around their neck during winter)

ida,..apakah??

and we even planned to go to Cordova on summer though~~~
summer....err..
= sunny days,light perfumes, oil paintings,bright shirts, SPF lotion,summer hats,gypsy skirts, boots, slippers,books, breads,lemonades.... and ..err..scarves around your neck,...err..

haha!

emm,..so yeah~ :')

kecil kecil hati yg kecil

2011-12-22T05:40:00.000-08:00

kadang kadang

saya kecil hati
1.melihat orang lain
memiliki kekasih,suami,anak (atau cucu)

ya,saya pernah sampai ke satu tahap di mana
=saya berangan2 mahu bermain dengan cucu sendiri
:')

(ini kes terpengaruh dengan iklan adabi/kempen bulan membaca/atau iklan2 petronas sweet di mana akan ada adegan atok nenek happy couple dengan cucu-cucu yg comel ^^ aduhai bahagianya~~atau juga iklan sunkist di mana si cucu bersongkok berbaju melayu menuang air oren untuk si atok. haha^^)

*sampai jauh ke situ kau berangan,ye ida~~~:')*

saya juga sedikit kecil hati

2. bila sedang saya rumit bergelut menyelamat si pesakit
dgn penuh rinik di dahi (sbb E.D saya takde ekon)
dgn perut berkeruk2 bergendang menahan lapar
berpulun mencari si vena
(yg bagai mencari jarum di lautan jerami)
untuk ditusukkan branula 24G agar dapat dialirkan
si bolus penyambung nyawa pada si pesakit,
sambil memberi arahan lantang pada nurses dan M.As

"run bolus normal saline FAST!kasi IV ranitidine and maxolon 10mg.insert ryles tube,monitor SBP jgn bagi lower than 100.and send A.B.G stat!~ and cepat prepare intubation set!!!"

dan tiba tiba

si waris pesakit
katil lodger bed belakang2
menghampiriku
merenung bulat2 mataku (dengan sedikit bengis)

dan
berkata,

"nurse,...air dalam drip makcik saya dah habes....tanak tukar ke???"

and i was like,...

...................................

apakah...:'((

*muka kecewa.hati mengecut kecut dan reput.dan aku ,.... berlalu pergi *
(selepas suruh nurse i yg lepak2 kat depan tu tukarkan drip makcik tu)

okey,puan~~

mungkin awak tak penah tgok grey's anatomy atau scrubs atau House atau whatsoever
and i dun blame youuu~~~~~

tapi pliss jgn buat kami macam hamba u oll / and especially jgn sembarangan panggil dokter tu 'nurse'...
(especially bila dia tgh berhmps pulas tak makan tak berak nak selamatkan kuarga you and then,.and then ,.....
=u pi kecikkan hati dia,..)

oh puan ~~~i mean,....
=tak sweet la camtu kan :')?

=rasa mcm....haih ~ entahlah~~~:'(

(not that i downgraded all my nurses.
in fact,all my nurses are awesome people:),u know~some of them are even skillful than me in setting arterial lines or blood taking or remembering doses of drugs even correcting me yg nyanyuk nih and etc and yes ~i can't live without them^^ )

ok,peace.:)

3.dan saya turut kecil hati

bila di shopping complex
-ada org potong kiyu depan2 mata baek punye ~~~ :'(
-ada org sepah2 letak troli pastu bila kete saya gostan eh eh terlanggar bang bunyi besi bergegar:'(
-dan bila ada pempuan macam lagi tua dari saya siap ada anak keliling pinggang panggil saya 'kak',

"kak, kak amek terung tu kat bahagian sayur mane? saya tak jumpa pulak tadi..:)"
:o
........
:'(

dan,
bila di wad.
ada patient tak cakap terima kaseh (or at least senyum) pun
lepas saya penat2 cantik2 lenguh tulis surat referral baek punya utk dey all
siap call QEH mintak tarikh appoinmen (even tu keje nurse and even tu keje org laen sbnanye utk tulis tapi sbb dey all nak cepat so i tulis je lah even i tgh nak pi toilet masa tu sebenanya haih~~)

terus amek surat,terus blah muke-ketat-masam-kelat.

*eh ida,..ish~~jgn terlalu menghrpkan pujian!!*

eh eh,saya bukan harapkan pujian,saya cuma at least,....
at least plislah beri senyum penghargaan kat saya yang sanggup tahan tak ke tandas semata nak siapkan surat berjela kamu tu :"(((((
*mulut muncung hati kecut kecil sekecil kuman,merajuk berlari2 menghempas tubuh ke katil patient sebelah ala2 drama melayu bila anak dara kene marah*

haih~
now tell me
hati mana yg tak akan sedikit kecil ...?
:')

hati perempuan
lemah bebenar kengkadang.
perlu pemangkin - pembakar semangat-sistem insentif yada yada
dan penyokong :))) (ape tu scaffold omputeh kata)

p/s: behind every great woman,is an even greater man...:) *eh eh-ape ko merepek. :o*

zaman zaman H.O= tido kat kaunter is cool ok hehe~ (bila keje dah siap laa:p)

(read: zaman kurus kerempeng takyah diet segala^^)

a proposal in a Nikon :))

2011-12-19T05:03:00.000-08:00

10 markah untuk lagu cristina perry
20 markah untuk font typewriter yg i suka tu (tak tau exact nama font tu apa)

and
10000000000000000000000000000 markah for that sweet guy!
omo,....anak sapa laa ni ^^
u are ===> really a Godsent okay ~ :')

wish u both happiness till Jannah :'))

*ini
buat tiap tali hati saya (heartstrings)
=benar2 kene 'goreng' mcm gitar eletrik man kidal
(read:terusik) aka mengusik hati:)

Syahdu.

ok.now tell me,gadis mana tak mahu dilamar sesincere ini :)???

tak perlu restoran mahal,pemuzik biola trumpet kat telinga or De Beers Habib Poh Kong segala.
sebab,
ketulusan hati= itu yg sebenar bukti cinta:)

*smiles in tears (sbb terharu)*
yup,i nangis mcm org gila after tgok ini TT___TT~~~

keinginan keinginan hidup: in summary

2011-12-16T07:34:00.000-08:00

keinginan

yg tidak lah banyak.

cuma perlu dibayar tunai
dan mahal

dengan
doa
airmata
dan
jiwa
dan

...........

seluruh-segenap diri kamu.

ida,sila fokus untuk MRCPCH sekarang.
kamu paling cinta itu,bukan? :)

masa kamu semakin suntuk.
peluang tak dtg berkali kali.
ia dtg,mungkin ketuk di pintu sekali,dan lari.

you're my melody

2011-12-14T00:41:00.000-08:00

ok,so utk anda2 yg mmg tak minat korea,...
yg suke dgr lagu melayu meleleh-jiwang karat-or rock kapak or ballads omputeh bruno mars taylor swift pikul gitar ke hulu ke hilir or lagu2 rap org kulit hitam yg kgkadang bersikap perkauman dan mmperjuangkan jenayah juvana,pergaulan bebas,bertukar2 perempuan,mekap tebal,bulu mata palsu,fesyen rambut buruk dan agak gila,budaya hedonisme ,cocaine,drugs and alcohol yada2~~

-- hah eloklah sekali sekala dengar lagu korea pula ^^

*listening to it sambil termengelamun
sdg berjalan berdua di bwh pohonan sakura di Itaewon nan indah
dgn memakai kot bulu2, boots dan selendang lilit2 di leher,
sambil berbisik2 kata cinta dgn yg tersyg sambil mulut keluar2 asap..

woooo~ kool gile kott...ha ha ^^ :D*

*eh ekceli saje nak test blog sy punye font problem dah ok ke tak...*
hmm,mcm dah ok:) ~~^^
wow alhamdulillah!!
:D

kalau tak..
nampaknye terpakselaa sy survive
dgn tulisan kotak2 kaler kelabu
yg sungguh huduh ini T__T (rujuk blogs sebelum2 ini)

loved this live version coz we can hear their voices sooooo clearly (and it was not disturbed by fanchants or squeals) :'))))

:)this song ah~~
*goosebumps and tb2 rasa phantom limb syndrome all over*

tragedi terjatuh hati

2011-12-13T06:50:00.000-08:00

cis

saya

jatuh

jatuh hati lagi....

:')

now i know

that jatuh cinta is actually

adalah suatu proses yg sgt laju ~~~!

welcome to my world Nikon 1 J1 !!~~~

he and she :)

2011-12-12T03:24:00.000-08:00

diijabkabulkan

disatukan dua hati

dipaterikan janji suci

tahniah!~

faizal dan ainon

2 sahabat saya telah selamat disatukan sbg hubby and wifey semalam^^

i'm so proud of both of u and sooo happy too !~~~

u both truly deserve each other ~~

and may i live to the day where we could bring our kids (plus you and ainon and me and hubby) together to some beautiful park for the next photoshoot session ~~~^^

insyaAllah ~~ ^^

--------------------------------------------------------

*recently blog sy dah jadi tingtong sbb i can no longer edit the fonts :'(((*

tak dpt nak colorkan or tukar font jd ke font Trebuchet kesukaan or suka suka nak tukar font jadi pink utk menepati tema foto2 yg diupload...

sedih..:'(((((

anyone can help ???

a venti with cream-on-top-cranberry-white-chocolate mocha-frappucino

2011-12-11T10:15:00.000-08:00

dear you~

remember those days

those

sunny,summer days

when i used to secretly

left you

a cup of caramel macchiato

in a paper bag

on your work table

next to the computer

with a folded note

saying

'i miss u'

*or just a simple

'take care ^^'

scribbled in my postcall handwriting*

cheesy huh~ :p

*eventhough we're working under the same roof

(and in the same building

and parked cars next-to-each-other)

and still,..to be sending coffees with a secretly folded 'i-miss-u' notes-...

heh,..

~ don't u think that it's a lil' bit err..too much;) ?

blame me not.

we're working shifts.

on different zones.

so i don't get

to see you/talk to you/annoy you

and menyebok and kacau you that often :'(

and now,

it has been nearly 2 years

and a half

of a nothingness...

but still,..

and

of course

.... i do

miss you.

again and

again.

-----------------------------------------

that day (which is just recently)

i stepped inside a Starbucks

and memories

will immediately

rush in

like a switch being flicked on

like a bone-crushing tsunami

like a mad influx

of a bitter,deadly poison

cruelly coursing

through my veins

and i stood there

eyes quickly darted to-and-fro the menus

and then

a decision made

and that girl ordered

a coffee

(a venti with cream-on-top-cranberry-white-chocolate mocha-frappucino to be exact)

the name is so painfully-long-it'll-definitely makes u thirsty as u silently practicing how to say it smoothly before officially(and fluently) ordering it at the counter-in-a-nonchalant-manner (like a boss)

and as i sit down

while

softly killing my thirst

nestled

on a chair

in a corner with

my cold treat

my aching feet- rested finally

my carlos ruiz zafon "The Midnight Palace" novel -on page 37

my right hand -on my tilted chin

as i look out the window

to the buzzing,bustling airport crowd

and to the slightly faded,grey friday sky

and i think about you

and

...................

don't let me start.

as i quickly

gulped down the coffee.

as it could magically stifle

my cry.

and i thought..

what

exactly

are

you

doing

right

now?

tossing and turning(with your countless books and notes?)

watching movies (that sadly you never had time to?)

cooking/renovating your kitchen/chatting with friends?

are you happy?

or~ are you sad/tired/sick/mad at someone/something?

are you smiling as much as i do?

.............

are you crying as much as i do?

"oh~ i miss you.

badly."

--------------------------------

*scribbled it on page 38,

bad handwriting.

and i slowly closed the book.

and the grey sky

now a few degrees blurier ~

while fingers on my left hand deftly dabbing the eyes

tears~ain't here/not here/not now/not now.

please~

----------------------------------------

Zy Masri

091211

west side,innermost corner(on the table under the 1st framed yellow tinted coffee picture)

Starbucks,LCCT

kamsahamnida ^^

2011-12-07T22:36:00.000-08:00

begitu banyak benda2 dan perkara2 dari korea yg buat sy happy untuk sekian lama ini:)

*dan oh tapi -saya mmg tidak menggemari kimchi err..terima-kaseh-je-laa-ye :')*

1.the music:)
and by music , i strictly means TVXQ (jyj+homin) and k-indie only.
only.
none other. coz i don't listen to other stuff.

SuJu??Shinee??2NE1?SNSD?that excessive-pop-bubbly-shortskirt-weirdohairdos stuff?
what is thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat? jenama pencuci pinggan?gel rambut kah?
*rolls eyes and buat muke annoying*

Korean music needs to be more like this:). No more those auto tune shit.
Ra.D is so underrated.:'(

And by ranting about DBSK again,i mean,..these 5 guys is just,...unbelieveably awesome.
Phew~~!
Vocal-wise. And everything else follow suit^^~~~!
(Too bad they broke-up.....T-T)

p/s:This was performed some 3 years ago when they have some kind of duet-performance with 'The Gospellers"-sensei's aka those 5 old guys standing in between them- and this Gospellers guys even dah tua2 tp dey all ni sgt hebat~ kire dey all ni mcm kumpulan "Search" versi Jepun laa..(Haha)

Kan?
wow.mcm ,..macam....
macam tokleh nafas jap dengar dey all nyanyi :') esp yg part tarik kat 1.46 tu :') amboi~~~

and this next performance is really my fav of all time.
they're singing their heart out while a 5 yr old blind lil' girl played the piano :)
it's soo heartwarming ~~~~and i'd never loved any other performance any more than this ^^

and korea also somehow is putting and projecting up all those kind of 'ideal love stories'.i might not fully agreeing on this part,but,....i so totally want my 1st date to be exactly (somehow similar) like this !~ (read: 1st date dgn hubby^^)

simple tapi ...= comel gile kan?

tangis di Jeju

2011-12-02T21:41:00.000-08:00

saya terjumpa video ini di youtube

sungguh menyentuh hati
the way he finally found Allah
:')
beautiful!~~
(alhamdulillah,may Allah bless him and his family eternally)

dan
saya tau
saya tidak sebaik orang lain
masih banyak dosa.
masih lalai dan terkadang alpa

saya akui
solat pun saya buat kadang2
sebgai hanya cuma satu tanggungjawab
atau 'tugas'
suatu arahan
dari Tuhan

nnt kalau tak buat
Allah marah
nanti Tuhan
balas kau
dgn sesuatu yg kau tak suka
atau Tuhan ambil balik
sesuatu yg kau dah ada dan kau suka

(seperti pangkat,kuasa.kecantikan,kesihatan atau harta etc)

rasa mcm
kene ugut...

*MasyaAllah ida......
sungguh berdosanya aku...*

sedangkan solat itu
tiang agama
perlambangan syukur
seorang hamba yg hina
untuk Tuhannya yg maha agung...
yg tak mungkin akan dapat balas balik segala nikmat Tuhan beri untuk kamu
hatta kamu beribadat untuk 10000000 tahun lamanya
tak mungkin
(even sikit pun)

dan dahulu aku yg jahil
solat
seolah itu
suatu
yang wajib
yang misti

dan terkadang
tanpa hati
'if u get what i mean'

namun ada beberapa detik,
yg memang buat aku rasa solat itu
=indah sekali
(dan solat itu sememangnya ,...sesuatu yg begitu indah sekali , kawan kawan ^^)

aku masih ingat
detik aku
solat di
Bengaluru International Airport
(sewaktu stranded for 14 hours there ,
all because we'd missed our connective flight ke Manipal)

di tingkat 2
di hadapan barisan kerusi2 yg kosong
di sudut kanan tangga
di hadapan seorang pengawal yg memegang kemas senapang AK47 di tangannya
dan merenung aku penuh sarkastik
dan sedikit benci
(mungkin)

macam lah aku seorang
pengganas

beralas tuala
dan solatlah aku di situ
seorang diri
(rasa sungguh ganjil sekali)
*di sebalik PA system yg mengaburi khusyuk
dgn lagu background bunyi sitar yg sungguh mengganggu :(((((((( *

namun khusyukku kudapat
dari ingatan pada si Tuhan
yg begitu baik
yg mengizin aku solat padaNya
dalam aman
dalam tenteram
di bumi asing maha jauh ini :"))))

dan juga
terpaling indah dan mengharukan
di Jeju, South Korea

di ruang kecil balkoni sebelah pintu kedai ramen
mata disilau si matahari petang
dan dengan bau ombak
menusuk-nusuk hiba hati
kubentangkan kain putih
dan kusarung winter glovesku
dan kukemaskan jaket hitamku

dan kutakbir
dan kusujud
kuhambur hati
dan ucap syukurku pada Tuhan
:')

kerna dengan izin Dia
sampai juga hajatku mahu ke mari
ke bumi Korea
(walau itu awal ceritanya amat mustahil sekali)

*bersolat di bumi asing bisa beri kamu pengalaman yg sungguh ajaib sekali!*

kerna mungkin kamu rasa
sungguh kerdil
dan kecil
dan betapa nasib kamu
sungguh2 rasa
diperhitungkan
sbb kamu sebegitu jauh keberadaannya dari zon selesa kamu
selama ini

ya
jauh dari ibu
masakan rumah
tilam empuk dan teddy
dan rasa selamat di negara sendiri yg tiap baitnya
engkau faham dan kenali

orang orang korea
ajhussi
a 20 yr old girl in her Boho skirt and iPod
and a lady in a sophisticated tweed jacket
merenung ganjil
(ya Islam masih sgt asing pada mereka)

mereka
lalu lalang
merenungku pelik
sewaktu ku duduk akhir
dalam titip doa2ku
yang masih bersisa dan
dalam doa yg mengalir di celah
jemari

dan
aku kerling
sekilas
dari mata yg sedikit bergenang
dan senyum pada
si mata mata
yang mengadil tanpa hakim

"i'm not a terrorist,
i'm just a Muslim"
(aku tak cakap laa sbb diaorg mostly tak brapa paham pun B.I..T-T)

Tuhan begitu sayang pada aku
:)
dikurnia rasa insaf
bertalu talu yg menghambat pangkal hati:')))))
sebelum makin jauh aku hanyut

Tuhan,
akan kucuba
perbaiki solatku
ke tahap lebih baik :)
tidak kira di mana aku
berdiri duduk atau berpijak

bingit atau diam
benderang atau kelam
sendiri atau berimam
tapi yang pasti
aku (dan kita) akan cuba buat yg terbaik :')

kerna itu
mungkin
boleh jadi
sujud sujud kita
dan
takbir takbir kita
yang terakhir.....

view sunset di depan kedai ramen di Jeju:)
this is roughly my view upfront where i perform my solat
(but this shot was taken from inside our bus,through the window that's why sunset tu macam weird looking) ^^
i miss Jeju :")
*nak pergi lagi next time,nak solat berimam ngan hubby lak sama2 :") *

Urban Zakappa ^^ 어반 자카파

2011-12-01T05:39:00.000-08:00

the song that i wanna imeediately starts waktu hati berdebar2 bila terjumpa si dia yang telah tertulis di Luh Mahfuz untukku^^
:)

the song that i wanna be played in the background while i was flirting with the guy
(read: cuma senyum senyum dan bermain mata tanpa sebarang kontak fizikal)
oh my terbuai buai~~~~ ^^

(^^)

and,this one~~ while swiftly dancing in the rain ,madly splashing water with our boots and stilettos(read: hujan rintik2 comel)

i love K-Indie!!!
어반 자카파 -Urban Zakapa rocks ^^노래 정말 좋다

unalzheimered

2011-11-27T04:55:00.000-08:00

Alzheimer.

Alzheimer's disease also known in medical literature as Alzheimer disease (AD) is the most common form of dementia. There is no cure for the disease, which worsens as it progresses, and eventually leads to death. It was first described by German psychiatrist and neuropathologist Alois Alzheimer in 1906 and was named after him.

Apabila suatu hari nanti
Saya
Telah tiada

Saya mahu blog ini
Jadi saksi
Bahawa
Saya mmg tak pernah
Lupakan
Dia

:')

Unalzheimered.

hari ini,ya
genap 2 tahun 3 bulan

aku cuma jadi angin lalu bagi dia

*ada tiada apa makna,tiada pun oh-tidak apa apa*

dan aku redha.

(Ya Tuhan mengajar kita erti redha dalam begitu byk cara)

2 tahun 3 bulan...

dan(dan ...er beberapa hari mungkin)

entah.
*sbb ia tidak pernah ada tarikh rasmi untuk komemerasi *

hidup kadang pahit.
(sebab itu Tuhan ciptakan gula)
???
*ok,ida stop blabbering nonsense and go to sleep NOWWW~~~~~*

-------------------------------------------------------

while waiting for my flight to depart,i was strolling along the shops in KLIA after my quick dinner,and suddenly (and as expected) i stopped by a bookstore,

and bought a newspaper (as expected)

and then ,...ah i see this....(ah this is unexpected !~)

and i immediately thought,while flipping it upside-down-anteriorly-posteriorly-laterally

'hey this is cool,it's a 3D postcard..!and ,...kinda sweet....:)'

(sorry i can be annoyingly-childish at times haha^^)

and that it will be good if this thing ended in his mailbox.

so yeah~

cecomel cecomel saya

2011-11-25T02:51:00.000-08:00

c-jes family is lovely eh ^^ :)

jj speaking in japanese is sooooo,..............:)
*priceless*

the sweetest doa.

2011-11-17T08:42:00.000-08:00

mcm mimpi yg

tak
kesampaian
:'(

mcm sebuah drama cerekarama kat tv3
yg tiba tiba tertengok-and-eh-eh-best-lah-pulak-cerita ni
then
tup tup

takde
kesudahan
:(

and
the dreams are repeating itself.
slowly
painfully

like a loop
like a twisted memory
an untied knot in the past.

"Tuhan,tolong
..tolong satukan hati hati mereka...
and let them be back as
Five.

Amin...~~~"

*yup.this might sounds,...er..weird..

praying for a japanese/korean pop star ???WTF

tapi
=aku terlalu sygkan mereka sehingga ke tahap ,ya..aku berdoa untuk mereka.

pernah juga kudoakan
agar Tuhan melembutkan
dan membukakan
hijab hijab hati
dan pintu pintu hidayah
dan moga
mereka terbuka dan terang nurani
untuk menerima Islam sebagai penunjuk jalan hingga akhir nanti :)

jalan yg benar
dan moga orang seistimewa mereka
ada tempat istimewa di sisi Tuhan

*yes,this is absurd,and weird..and err you may say..too much...
Fine.*

kenapa?

ya,simple.
sbb Tuhan itu maha mendengar.
Dan maha
Mengabulkan.
Segala-gala.
:)

-----------------------------------------------
*Allah mmg sweet,kan :)?*
(gigit jari and penyekkan muka ke bantal smbil blushing malu-malu-eh-eh-pehal ko ni senah??!)

and this is

one of their most-powerful performance ever

Check this out ;)

*and you'll know why i have (and put) the time and effort to say dua's and prayers for five random korean guys (who never know my existence let alone my name or my face).

Love is bad.

2011-11-14T15:37:00.000-08:00

when a doctor sits down and tells her story-part 2

2011-11-12T22:19:00.000-08:00

fast forward time

i was already in my senior years in high school (read: sekolah menengah haha)

and yes,
Form 5 is one of the ever-best time ever in your life- ever, right ?
*oh sungguh banyak gila ngkau punya 'ever'; hokay~

sapa stuju sila angkat tangan :D *V^^V
i'll still miss the old school days:

dihantar ayah pagi2,
bergosip ttg Pengetua,
sesi perhimpunan,
mee sup panas2 rm1.50 yg sedap-nak-mati,
lepak baca Shakespeare and Sherlock Holmes di library time waktu rehat,
lukis graf,
hafal Jadual Berkala,
makmal kimia,
study Prinsip Akaun (T__T),
dan minum soya sejuk time pulang sekolah time tgh hari panas2 -waduh perghhh terbaek !

and yg paling tak boleh lupa

pernah terlupa jawab satu soalan esei Sejarah Paper 2 (the whole 45 markah punye soalan!) time SPM 2001

==sbb terover-confident
HAHAHA!

i punyelaa konfiden sbb siap awal...

and then siap tokoktambah2 lagi i punya esei yg lain2 yg i dah jawab siap goreng baek punya

and then time nak hanta paper bila dah habis masa, baru i perasan yg i terlupa jawab soalan 3(c) yg kat part last tu
==== sbb i terlupa nak belek page terakhir,..............!

oh damn..!!!

!!

dunia i mcm kiamat kecik sekejap masa tu

rasa mcm gempa bumi sekjap dewan periksa tu naa
SPM ok .~~ ini S.P.M okaaay!!

mak tolong!!!! *nak nangis*
i tulis laju2 mcm ribut seyes mcm nak patah jari bila tersedar
tp masa tu mmg otak dah tak berfungsi dah sbb dah panik sgt T-T

and because of that, i got a B3 for my Sejarah..huuuuuu (padan muka ko)

dan oh ya-

pernah saya meminati seorg jejaka :dia kegilaan ramai,pengawas sekolah, ketua kadet pengakap, ketua rumah sukan (ok so tipikal hahaa)
*a.k.a the biggest crush ever* ^^

and guess what,he's the same guy whom i ended up admiring since i'm in Form 3 till i finally graduated as a doctor, spanning a 6-year-old sad love story yg tak-kesampaian...oh~~ T-T

(sbb dia sudah berpunya haaahaa)

and then,

entered matriculation days
di mana sudah sedikit dewasa (dan sedikit tinggi hihi)
dan

tggungjawab sedikit bertambah banyak

dan di mana sudah mula kena berfikir sedikit serius ttg masa depan :")

at that time,even i choosed Bio-stream.

i still loved archi :)

cinta pertama = mana buleh lupa *wink*
and it never changed.

-------------------------------------------------------

It never changed.

until the day when my dad was diagnosed with stomach cancer stage 3b in mid 2002

(i was in my mid sem exam (matriculation) during that time)

......................................................

i still remember
me and my sister
sitting inside my dad's cold room in General Hospital Kuala Terengganu
holding his shriveled,weak,cold hands.
(coz dad lost so much weight at that time -from 72 kg to 45 kg)

when suddenly three doctors came unannounced
to tell us
the bad news
aka the biggest fear in my life

i can't imagine that dad will die
and...
will
be
leaving us

* i have this false impression that fathers are immortals,unharmed,unscathed.
that they're strong,and will always be there to protect and guide u 24/7*

i have no words to describe my feeling at that time.
i can't even,...cry.

rasa macam
hidup terlalu kejam untuk aku

Days went by.
and our dad,
Remarkably known as the happiest,cheery,so full-of-life guy,
The most positive,bravest and strongest guy ever that i'd ever known..
and is now ,..........dying.

Multiple biopsies,multiple scopes and scans were done but to no avail.
And now even dad were dependent on morphine to lessen the pain that he was having,..
Up to that level and....
It was all.....so
Ultimately unimaginable and unthinkable

Surgeries are a hopeless option as the cancer had spread too much: even to his liver and spine.
And now,dad was only waiting......,his 'time'.

Until one day,
It takes place at PPUM (where dad was being hospitalized for a better care)
And i sat beside him,
Holding his hands.
And he smiled weakly,..

And i said those words,

"Ayah,..
kalau ida boleh tukar nyawa dengan ayah, ida nak tukar..,
Biar ida yang pergi,ayah jangan ..ayah jangan pergi...."
and i cried like mad while putting my head on his bedside.

And Dad hushed me.
His eyes were a bit angry hearing me talking such nonsense.
He scolded me for being so unreasonable because definitely there's no such thing , let alone an option.
And i cried and i cried.

That night,what we usually do is all of us will stay back and sleep in the ward to accompany dad.
But that night,strangely dad asked me and two of my siblings to go back and rest at my aunt's home instead of sleeping on the ward's waiting area.
I refused, because in this stupid lil' mind of my own,i'm afraid that something will happen to him and i won't be able to be there by his side
But dad insisted,
and i followed his order obeyingly,walau hati aku sgt mmberontak.

I went to mom's car,bringing all my stuff when suddenly i remembered that i'd left daddy's camera in his room.
*It was prohibited to bring valuables and to left them inside the ward ,so i went back inside to fetch the camera*

Dad was sleeping, half-sleep and half-awake to be exact
and yes,he looked so tired,so aku tak berani nak kacau dia...
Eventhough at that time,i really feel like i want to wish him goodnight and give him a hug.
Just one hug..and a snap from daddy's camera.

Me and ayah.
We rarely took a picture together,...and why not,.. tonight...?

I cancelled my intention as when i look back, ayah had already drifted to sleep.
Poor ayah,he looked soo tired and worn out.. :'(

So i just creep in,took a peek from his bed-curtain,while juggling daddy's heavy camera in my hand (a manual Nikon one) and slowly walk out..,afraid of making any sort of noise that will disturb him , and left daddy...to retreat back in my aunt's home somewhere in Ampang.

And that was the very last time i saw him.

Ayah passed away on the same next morning at around 5.50am,

and i was not there by his side.

Not there,

How Cruel Was That.

Aku rasa bagai diri aku sangat bersalah

dan berdosa
hati aku berkecai.
Berkecai dan hancur

satu persatu.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I really ,really love him/to the extent that i will sacrifice anything.
Anything.
even my life/or my love for archi

And from that time on.
I know what i wanted to be.
Actually, not that what i WANTED to be, but precisely, what i HAVE to be.
And that is, to be a doctor.
I have to be ,..a doctor.

It's written,and it's final.
I .have. to. be. a. doctor.

It's like,......
--- it was doomed on me.

It's not an option, at all.but it's a way for me, to at least, lessen my own guilt.
Yes,...the thruth is,..I became a doctor to lessen my OWN GUILT.

Kerna dengan berada bersama dengan seseorang
Seseorang yang lain.
Ayah seseorang.
Ibu/anak/sahabat atau yg teristimewa untuk seseorang.
Dan dengan merawat/menghilangkan luka dan duka mereka
Sedaya yg aku mampu
Walau itu jelas sekali bukan ayahku...,bukan ayah.

Tapi itu dapat
Buat aku sedikit tenang

It m ight sound like a selfish one.A selfish reason.

Yes , i didn't become a doctor because i-soooooo-want-to-help-random-people-and-go-to-Somalia-giving-free-immunizations-wearing-a-jacket-with-a-large-Red Cross-logo-on-it or such~~~~

Cheh.Aku tak semulia itu.

The reason was so full of myself,yes,indeed...and i admit it.
Because ..I love him so much,and this is the very least that i can,..do.
~Because up till now,i can't seem to be able to even forgive myself. Really..............

For not being there,on his very last moment on earth.
To comfort my ayah,
to recite the very last Yassin to him,
to whisper syahadah on his ears,
to ask for his forgiveness,
to soothe him with anything that i could,even with merely holding his hands or caress ayah's hollowed cheek..

and just merely to be there..........

You guys might think that this is a stupid reason,but that's what that've changed me.

It was definitely not for fame or money.
Because being a true-doctor from-the-heart, is strictly not at all associated with all those gilmmery-material things.

This death,no matter how painful it was and it is still...,is indeed a God's own, special way of changing me.

Changed me.
And it did.

ya Allah hai dah tua you

2011-11-04T10:57:00.000-07:00

tomyam by the sea
kerabu tauge nyum nyum
mesmerising moonlight
nestum prawn(nama cam pelik tp seriously omg sedap nak mati)
notorious night car ride (while cracking jokes at the backseat^^)
birthday bomb blast (YEAYYY!) -
*read=bakar mercun beramai2 sampai pekak telinga sendiri*
midnight moist choc cake :9
cool candle blowing! (it might sounds cam poyo-childish buy hey it puts in the THRILLL!)
ribena (to wash all the choc,nestum and tauge down)
played scrap-and-shred-the-tissue-to-pieces with fluffy the cat
and of course the snap snap session *kachik-kachik-oh-my-muke-i-berminyak-siot:p*

all done with my Labuan-most loveliest people *who makes life less lonelier here:\
= Azli,uncle Ahad and aunty ;)))

and taraaaa
today

i'm 27!

*alhamdulillah * !

*while trying to lick down

the smeared/clogged choc cake clots

in between my braces
=so that it won't show up in my birthday snapshots ^^ haha!!*

untuk birthday yg ni saya tanak banyak,

saya nak ni je:)

dan ini :)

=*for them to be as 5 again :')*

cukup

2011-10-31T05:15:00.000-07:00

cukup

cukup sampai di sini.

kerna
saya terpaksa

melebur hati
mengundur diri
walau kucinta
namun termaktub di usul dunia
tak semua
milik mutlak raja
aku selamanya

jemariku
yg selama ini
Tuhan izinkan
banyak berjasa

UAC/UVC/IV/transtibial
Ballard/Apgar scoring

chest tubes
endotracheal intubation
filling the endless NDF forms

preparing mortality reports

survanta 4ml/kg via ETT
neck-breaking exchange transfusion severe NNJ
or
to just stand there

watching the bleeping monitor screens

and

merely holding
those small lil' cute fingers... :')

dan
jemari itu juga
yang
kuterpaksa

tarik kembali
dan
kugenggam
dan
kusimpan jauh

dan
wajah ku
tunduk
.......

telah
habis gundah
dan
tiada air mata sudah
untuk
ini

ini..

selamat tinggal

*saya akan sentiasa
rindukan
momen-momen happy/busy-nak-mati/exciting/pengepam-adrenaline saya
di General Paeds and NICU ward:)))*

hey you,
you know what..
i live and die
for Paeds

God somehow granted and
embed me
with that beautiful feeling :)

how many
how many people can u find ,
equipped and genetically-engineered
with that 'thing' from ???

*u don't know what you are losing though ~~sigh..*

cuma mampu aku
diam.
dan

redha.

ok,the thing is
saya ditukarkan oleh pihak atasan

dari Dept. of Paeds ke Dept. of Trauma and Emergency.

shocking,yeah..hell yeah ~~~
*inner politic issues,some 'big guys' don't like me etc etc yada yada~~*

...................
i cried like hell the 1st time i heard about it.

it's the cruellest phone call i've ever received,

but now,

seems like i'm in the acceptance-process
it amazes me how fast the whole process was

Grieve no more ^^
well

at least,

i'll still have

=my daily dose

of kids at Casualty =))))

and at least i'm not stuck somewhere

doing tricky IJCs

or VEs
(or Caesareans !! LOL )

alhamdulillah ;))
Tuhan lebih tahu.

tiket ke heaven

2011-10-23T09:30:00.000-07:00

Meguro,Odaiba
Japan

black tweed jacket
and boots
and gloves
and a cotton-wool mafla

in a small cafe
sipping hot cafe latte
while cheering
the cherry blossoms
from afar

*sumpah saya mahu ke sini~~*
cantik-romantik-tak-hengaaat ^^

p/s: i have this exact dvd actually.with the subs of course.
and the price is #^%^*& for just a 3 hour DVD T-T
(being a JYJ fan is indeed a very expensive hobby) :p

sapa rindu cherry blossoms sila angkat tangan !!! v0-0v

when a doctor sits down and tells the story of her life

2011-10-20T00:03:00.000-07:00

ok,now i really feel tired..
dead.tired.
rolling in my bed.hair toussled.stretching my legs and arms,but still the heavy feeling won't go

you can feel it in your bones.
embedded deep.
to.the.core.

but still...
you just have so many stories to tell.

ok,now where can i begin..*ummmm*

well,
at some point in you life..,
you will have this feeling,
weary,tired,spent and broken
yet you still have soo much to be shared and told
right from your heavy heart and your dried and parched lips..

and trust me,
it will be the truest thing that you'll ever told
right as if it was the very last days of your life

so,now
meh i citer :)

i was born at 9.50pm,on 5th november,in the year of 1984
a 3.3 kg healthy little girl
*in Hospital Besar Kuala Terengganu
sbb tu IC i ada nombor 11- and i'm sooo proud of it ^^*

* and yup,i dah check kat Google,
on 5th Nov 1984,takde pape event yg significant pun yg serentak berlaku pada tarikh tu,,..hihi.best sbb kirenya i tak share birthday ngan mana2 tokoh sejarah,jutawan Forbes ntah sapa2 or mana2 tokoh politik hatta Zac Efron (eh)

in short,the date =was exclusively all mine ^^ *yeaaah~!*

the only thing that i remember is (becoz my mom told me) that one of the nurses was amazed because as soon as i was out,(or something like that), i was smiling to my ears..
*as a Paeds MO,i can clarify to you,that it was err.. quite rare for a newborn to smile when they was delivered*

or maybe it was while i was happily being put under the warmer,
all lit up like a little superstar,with the 5L oxygen blasted on my face,
or while i was being cuddled in my mom's or while my dad says the 'azan' to my ears..:),
and that, even at 27 years later,will surely still make me smile ^^

i dunno,
but what i know,is that ..yeah~i was finally out to the world,breathing my first few breaths, into the arms of 2 angels who called me "their own, their daughter" :) and with an extra older sis and bro for me to play around (and fight with) later in life:)

my daddy was a teacher at that time,teaching AddMaths and Physics (also a cikgu disiplin,loves bikes,travelling and photography *like father like daughter eh haha*(as evidenced by the many collections of awesome pictures of us growing up)

and my mom pulak an ex-interior designer who decided to quit her dreams to besarkan and fully jaga anak2 kesygnya sepenuh hati dan masa

^^ awww,mommy,.....that was one of the reason why she was special.:))))

They're both awesome people and i'm so indebted to God that i was choosen to share their genes:).

Sejujurnya,kami adik beradik sgt ramai (8 orang sumenye).saya nombor 3.
dan kami bukannya dtg dari famili kaya or berada.

Ayah ..
Ayah mmg orang susah,dan itu mmg buat saya selamanya kagum..:')
Membesar hanya di bwh jagaan nenek,tanpa kasih syg seorg ayah,makan nasi ikan masin,dan belajar guna api lilin.
Ayah mg bercita2 mahu jadi doktor tetapi terpaksa dilupakan kerana tiada sumber kwgn dan ayah trpaksa berhenti setelah tamat diploma kerana perlu bekerja utk menyara keluarga di kampung.

Dan ibu,
dialah insan paling tabah dan sabar.
Ever.

Masa kecik,time budak2 lain sebaya saya lukis gambar puteri,Minnie,Mickey dan Dragonball..
saya totally pi lukis bende laen,....
err segan nak cakap,tapi saya lukis ..................
= pelan rumah (floor plan)
(seriously.sumpah tak tipu)

Sebab, si kecik zahidah masri yg berumur 4 tahun tu
=dah terpengaruh dgn si emak ^^

ok....saya belajar dgn emak,
dgn buku2 architecture emak yg dlm bahasa jepun tu
yg mak guna sbg rujukan (yg mmg ohh saya langsung tak paham,
-haha-haha)(tapi bila besar haaa-hambek-kau-punyelaa-berhabuk-kau-hafal-lagu-jepun-ye
dan from majalah2 interior designing and archi yg mmg sgtlah byk dalam mini-ofis mak :)

saya selalu main 'rumah-rumah' bawah 'meja arkitek' emak..
main rumah2 (siap pasang 'langsir' bubuh 'tilam', 'meja makan' segala ...hamboii).
dan bergelumang dengan lukisan2,drafting sheet,blue prints dan tracing paper
dan sungguh gemar akan si bau dakwat pen arkitek ibu:)

Emak saya bukan arkitek,
dia interior designer tapi saya masa kecik2 manalaa tau,..so selalu panggil mak keje arkitek,tgh wat kerja kat meja arkitek,and lukis gamabr bangunan and pelan pelan guna pen arkitek..so sometimes i thought that she was really an architect hahaha!!

That's why bila cikgu tanya
"bila besar apa cita cita kamu ya Zahidah =)??"

dan saya akan berfikir sebentar,
............................
dan sebelum menjawab,
saya akan teringat pada segala floor plan yg saya lukis senget2 dengan tangan kecil saya (yang masih belum pakar dan lancar melakar idea-oh sungguh syg sbb saya tak simpan T-T),
dan entah kenapa,
itu antara perkara paling buat saya bahagia:)...........
dan akan saya menjawab yakin,
dengan senyum

"saya nak jadi arkitek,cikgu :)"

kemudian ..dah semakin besar,
sedikit tomboy(sbb jarang pakai skirt renda2 segala),
mata bulat,suke merengek,berambut ikal,sedikit chubby,
comot ada props coklat smear kat pipi
sgt suka(ketagih) minum Vitagen
dan peminat setia si kerepek ubi bentuk tayar/stereng kereta
yg jual dlm paper cone warna merah tu
mkn sambil naik motor keliling kampung dgn arwah ayah di waktu petang(duduk dalam bakul) ^^
kalau pakai seluar n pi jalan2 main kat luar,=mmg sah,misti kedua2 tempat lutut kat seluar tu akan kotor pelepuk-dua-tompok-debu-coklat
yg mmg mak i mmg dah boring dah tengok pasal dia laa yg kene cuci hari hari..
kesian mak,pasal ida laa tangan mak yg halus jadi kasar,...sori ye mak...:')

i masa kecik
mmg clumsy,
kalau berjalan misti tak sah kalau terjatuh,
kalau naik beskal,pernah jatuh masuk longkang terus badan i muat2 jatuh terletak lurus dalam longkang tu ala2 mcm baring dalam keranda HAHA!
kalu main lari2/sorok/kejar2,misti tak sah kalau lutut tak bercalar/luka/berdarah-kene-taram-dengan-Dettol-kaw-kaw-punyelah :p

then,bila dah tua sket,(6 tahun) i masuk blaja (further study) kat tadika.

Tadika?
mana? St Theresa?

Taaak..........
i blaja kat Tadika Al Arqam you....
~~~~*kire macam belajar kat Al-Azhar kecik laa hehe*

Al Arqam???
ye laaa i masa tu kecik,manelaa i tau pasal mazhab2,ajaran sesat ke ntah hape2 ni
tadika islam,so kami pakai jubah labuh hijau gelap,kasut Bata dan tudung putih
dan oh ya beg sandang warna merah:) *wow i ingat lagi youu*
dan yg paling saya ingat ialah mak akan berjalan kaki memimpin tangan saya yg kecil, menemani saya ke tadika hari2 :)
^^

cikgu2 ajar kami doa makan
then kami makan sama sama dalam talam
seronok! blaja tiup belon,nama2 binatang dalam bahasa arab
dan main plastesin buat macam2 makanan2 tipu2 ^^
dan ya byk berjasa sbb yg terpertama mengajar saya ABC,123,alifbata
dan bagaimana mau mewarna kartun Mickey Mouse tanpa pensil warna sememeh-sememeh terkeluar2 dari garisan heeheee ;)

Ustazah/cikgu saya nama ustazah mariam,manis orangnye,langsung tak garang,sedikit gempal (dan oh ya dia masak mee sgt sedap =)
*ko ni masa kecik ingat makan je ye ida oi*~~~)

p/s: abg i (Marwan Masri) pun tadika kat situ,ok je dia..bila besar siap jadi engineer lagi.hoho

then ke sekolah
and this list is somehow so familiar:

1.Sekolah Kebangsaan Chendering
= my 1st school ever.kat terengganu.stay kat sana from darjah 1-darjah 2.dekat dengan rumah.pagi2 ayah hanta naek motor.then paling best sbb sekolah ni tepi pantai ada slides and buaian just tepi pantai. main swings sambil menikmati bayu pantai dan bunyi laut ~sambil belajar matematik pun dapat rasa angin pantai sepoi sepoi^^ awesome:)

2.Sekolah Rendah Tengku Bariah
=sekolah kedua,transfer sbb dekat sikit ngan tempat kerja ayah n sbb sekolah yg pertama tu byk sgt budak2 gangster kampung yg suka usik/buli/ganggu keamanan saya dan kakak :'(, ada sorang pakcik ni(tukang kebun rasanya),tapi ntah kenapa kiteorg panggil dia "Professor", dia selalu ajak kiteorg buat bende pelik2, panjat bukit,masuk hutan laa,kata dia ternampak Ultraman kat blkg Bukit Besar (bukit belakang skolah tu) laa ..naseb tak kene culik..apakah ~~

3.Sekolah Menengah Tengku Bariah
=sekejap je, 2 weeks je kat sini. then pindah pi SS sbb sekolah SMTB ni jauh sgt (and byk budak jahat isap rokok/kacau org pempuan/conteng2 dinding oops..!)

3.Sekolah Menengah Kebangsaan Sultan Sulaiman (aka SMKSS or SS)
sekolah ni gile hot kot.
i study sana from Form 1 till Form 5.
Skolah ni gile hot sbb sekolah ni dpt title 'Sekolah Premier'
(if u tak tau apa tu sekolah premier sila google hokay)
and sbb budak2 dia mmg hot/mantap habess...
both akademik and kokorukilum :)) *terharu i bila i ingat balik*

apa taknye...

Segala debaters/johan taekwondo/petanque/athlete/pemain bola/akrobatik/renang/olahraga peringkat MSSRM/negeri/negara semua berkampung kat sini kot.
Dari segi akademik pulak,wow sgt2lah lagi hot/cemerlang habes skolah ni ;) .
i bersyukur sgt ayah i hanta we all blaja kat sini,
kalu laa i blaja kat skolah SMTB tu ..ntah ntah bukan jadi dokter kanak kanak,
kot2 dah selamat jadi bohsia kot i sekarang (oops!!!) hahahahha!!

But yg athlete2 tu sorry laa not me laa...
main bola jaring pun i tak reti smpi skrg okay (i takut bola sebenarnya,ok,i admit it....)
= I TAKUT BOLA OKAY.
LIKE,...SERIOUSLY..GUYS,...
A BALL THAT SI ZOOMING DIRECTLY INTO UR FACE
AT SUCH A HIGH SPEED
IS SUPER SCARYYYY OKAAAY ????

and adik beradik i mmg hampeh langsung takde 'gene' sukan/even secebis semangat kesukanan even ayah juara badminton and mak juara hoki time dey all muda2 dulu..

I ni pulak setakat nerd yg pendiam
and librarian sekolah
and vice precident photography club je laa,that's all.
and oh ya, AJK St John ....
and pemenang ketiga pertandingan syair dan pantun,
and err..tempat ke4 olahraga 4X400 meter peringkat sekolah(poyo,lari tak kuat and sungguh tak pi training)
tu je,.. hihi(tanak cakap byk2~~^^).

in short,i mmg nerd.pendiam and tak byk cakap.
or pendek cerita,si minah study yg berjaya.ok,sekian terima kasih =)

ok,too long ....TMI maa..
waah jari i dah lenguh ok i berenti dulu
nnt i sambung lagi Part 2 ok?
tata ^^

wordless thursday

2011-10-19T22:40:00.000-07:00

ok lemme say...

"i miss them"

*in a sobbing,husky voice and teary eyes while rolling in my duvets like a cat in a heart-broken mode *

*ok ida cukup ia cukup.aaargh~~~T-T*

who is this stranger.could be danger.

2011-10-18T07:01:00.000-07:00

i need you.

like earth
needs rain.

like coffee
needs sugar

like a cheeseburger
needs cheese (wth)

---------------------------

you walked by.
but you don't see
me.

slow motion
and so
gracefully

be my friend/and i'll show you around

i'm
in
love
with someone out of town

who is this stranger/i should be scared/could be a danger
i should prepare for
this
i wish
i don't fall so hard
for you

could be a danger
could be a danger

....................
i dare say that when she sings,
it's one of the most beautiful things on earth
:)

saya nak mcm cerita korea.boleh?

2011-10-09T06:56:00.000-07:00

kadang2 saya nak jugak

bercakap/beremail/bermsg/bermadah/bercerpen bercinta ala cerita cinta korea segala

eh?

*normal la tu kan ;)
saya tak la workaholic tak hengat sampai tak tahu apa itu chenta/cinta/pyaar/kadhal/sarang/love haha-haha*

bahagianya
kalau

ada org kejut subuh hari2 :)
*anta msg or call laa bukan laa berdiri kat luar tingkap pukul 5 pagi baling batu kat daun tingkap takut takut and then jerit slow2 'hey subuh awak hey subuh laa awak':)*

anta 24 ros merah setiap 5 november (aww~~!)

nota2 comel ala2 suprise di tempat2 tak terduga ^^

ketika kerja menimbun dan kena overtime tiba2 eh eh karipap dan kopi panas tiba2 eh magis ada di atas meja :)

tumpang keta dia/dia tumpang keta saya (carpool ok!sbb sy tak suke global warming)

setia wish goodnite/goodmorning/good evening/selamat hari raya/hari wanita segala=)

tulis poem2 bodoh2 comel dan post di wall/blog masing2 and buat each other tertny2 sapa yg dimaksudkan

cakap 'sayang,tunggu sekejap.eh,terpanggil sayang pulak :p' (oops)

pakai baju kaler sama/or kasut yg exactly sama bersama2 :) *not on daily evets laa-macam adik beradik kembar laa pulak oops mak ai*

pegi park and naik basikal kayuh laju2 lumba sapa lagi laju =)

ke tempat2 yg cantik dan ke event2 yg best dan 'ok i ambik gambar you, you ambik gambar i and then suruh pakcik yg botak yg mcm takde keje tu ambik gambar kite ^^ '

dan terima kata2 paling indah 'hi awak..mak saya kem salam:)'/'ayah saya suka awak masak ikan masak taucu yg awak anta hari tu.mcm kat hotel dia kata haha!'~(aduhai melayang bila ayah/mak mertua (oops) puji ....^^)

dan 'hey jom pi piknik weekend ni!' before tu kita masak sama2 kat rumah awak weekend ni:)sandwich telur/black pepper spaghetti and salad. woahhh~ ok!misti kecoh :D'

and then

'alaa..nape tak call/msg/reply email ?-'
'alaa laptop rosak ke..meh saya tolong tengokkan..'
'awak demam? tu laa sapa suruh keje teruk sgt.makan ubat tau.sy pukul nnt kalau tak makan ubat haha !~'

dan
bila awan tiba2 timpakan hujan
-------------------------------------
eh mana payung/takde payung ye ala ksiannnye awak//meh saya payungkan
~- sbb payung saya besar mcm payung pasar tani maklumlah dapat free kat Shell masa isi minyak LOL =p

pastu
bila mood tak kena/jerawat tiba2 naik/or mekap buruk n kena tegur /tunggu lambat sket
maka merajuk-merajuk-buat-muke-buruk-then-ada-orang-immediately-pujuk :)

aloha~~~

hey ida snap it !~~~

hmm
sapa lah org tu kan..?
misteri.

talk to the hands :)

2011-10-06T08:49:00.000-07:00

frankly speaking,
i get attracted to people's hands and fingers (quite a lot).
like , seriously.

i love hands.
and
the difference of

their shapes
their fluidity
their grace
their warmth
and even
the texture of it
and their very own,personalized story (and deep,dark secrets) that lies behind it...

(and now i sounds like a hand-fetish ohoii ~~~)

know what,
i'll let you out a secret today *wink* :)
(something like a ''a-secret-give-away-a-day" thingy hihi~~^^ )

ok.
when a guy starts to 'singsing'/ roll up his lengan baju up to siku,
i'll be like ....
"omg hensemnye!!!!!"
*jerit kuat2 dalam hati tapi muke tenang cekadak mcm mengantuk je pun ade*

= (hahaha kantoi!)

ok well..~~
i mean,
not the guy is suddenly becoming handsome...
(whatlaa ida....~~~)

i mean
=the act itself (of rolling up his sleeves) is ,.....
er......handsome
(and making myself get attracted like a N to a S on a magnet)

(what am i talking laa- duhhh i must be postcall again )

er, do i sounds wrong ?er..

..................
ok fine,
i love people's hands:).
so what?
it's one of God's most beautiful creation.
and i love my hands too.syukur alhamdulillah =)and going to take great care of it
*losyen vaseline spf urut masker segala*

once,
when i went to a tukang urut for urut tangan and while she massaged my hand, she suddenly mentioned to me,

"oh miss,awak punya tangan banyak lembut ar..:)"

*mak ai terharunye :')*

"oh ye ke...er..sbb saya suke gune losyen kot..."

"jaga jaga ar..ini lembut punya tangan,senang luka wo....."

betuk jugak cakap dia.
tangan aku mmg senang luka.
if ditanya, tempat mana yg paling banyak parut n paling banyak bertampal plaster,and the answer will definitely will be -->my hands :P

luka paling banyak is masa jadi H.O laa kot T_T

oh by the way,just wanna share with you one of the most gorgeous hands ever
=hands on piano :)

*ok jom jatuh chenta sama sama ! awww!!*

protect the boss

2011-10-02T07:01:00.000-07:00

ok
anda tahu tak apa yg seorg dokter kanak2 akan buat ketika dia tidak berkerja ??

(iaitu tidak bergelumang dengan kanak2 pneumonia-batuk-selesema-hingus-bersin segala :')?

oh tidak ~~

saya tidak study.
ha ha ha *gelak muke ketat*
(saya sama sekali tidak seskema itu)

ok,frank.
mestilaa saya buat aktiviti2 anti-stress:)
*sambil minum-low fat milk-berguling2-atas-comforter-pasang-ekon-kuat2-satu-bilik*

..................
life in labuan pretty-stress ok,
jgn igt saya asyik uplod gamba cun2 pantai sunset laut segala maka kehidupan saya di sini indah and cun2 je 24/7 okay...:'(

sbb saya masih the only-one je dokter kanak2 yg jaga kanak2 kat SATU PULAU LABUAN ni hokayyy~~~*bayangkan*.......
====omaigod stress (tipu if saya kata tak stress)
so maka saya sesungguhnya
=sgtlah layak utk buat2 perkara2(lagha/buang masa) utk happykan diri :)

*supaya saya rejuvenated dan bersemangat utk meneruskan hari2 yg penuh stress-cuak-dan-gundah-gulana di pulau yg kecil tapi kompleks ini =)..

Kamsahamnida !~~
Thanks to the "Protect The Boss" team- sbb buat hari2 saya for the past 2 months ini sgt2 bermakna ^^

ok,itulah dia drama korea fevret i/kami/semua warga Cassiopeia ^^*
i love the story:)
From Ep 1 till Ep 18 ,..
and our dearest Cha Muwon-sshi (aka Kim Jae Joong *weee!!~~* )

well,he seriously really didn't gave me any reason at all to not to love him (who wouldn't?) ^^
*blushing,turned meek and suffered from wobbly knees all over again*

it ended this week.
just finished watching the last episode tonight.
and now i had to bid farewell already to the lovely casts :"(
TT__TT

ah sad~~~~~

sila ke kimchidrama.com for free,online streaming =)anda tak akan nyesal~~!

(and seriously pliss ini bukan cerita korea bercinta laila majnun bagai nak rak then clash cintan nanges2 sampai buta tu hokay..

~~ (tak kuasa i)*tangan di dada,mata immediately ke atas*..

but this is such an unforgettably cute rom-com(romantic comedy) yg refreshnigly sweet ,potrays the pretty ,bustling and busy Seoul city surroundings+daily life of org2 keje pejabat CEO segala^^ yg light+subtle+so nice for de-stressing ur day :)

adele :)

2011-09-30T06:03:00.000-07:00

dulu 1st time dengar dlm keta abg saya

i macam,..
"hm..bolehlaaa suare agak nyaring tapi hmm..oklaaa"...

and then a year afterwards,
i terperasan yg DJ2 suke pasang lagu "Rolling In The Deep" yg omgbestgilababi tu :)

lagu tu punyelaa feymes -mengalahkan lagu raya *sbb time tu tgh bulan pose ala2 dekat2 nak raya gitu*

and then,now,after all these years..yup,i'm oficially hooked on Adele =)

she's truly a diva ^^ u rocks , Adele !
*jeles sbb dah laa cantik,suara best and yg paling tak adil dia lagi mude dari saya maa ~~!* haha!

ok,njoy ^^

deeper in duvets

2011-09-24T13:14:00.000-07:00

4.15am

in my room
26 degree celcius
full blast
but still
eyes wide awake,
vigourly, emblazed
jetblack hair,
runmagingly, toussled.

an etch on
my carved pillows
a curse on
my lonely nights

*and still
restlessly
splashing my bedhead

and
uncontrollably
stretching
my tibias and fibulas
akin to some kind of
horizontal,Kenyan dance
or pilates routine*

but still
*yawns*
sleep,..
where are you...~~?

deeper in duvets
fluffy
sweet
enticing
promising
*just like what dreams should be*

rolling like roulettes
deeper in
duvets..

that
sun kissed warmth
that made hearts
aflutter

that
armful of cottony hugs
that
smelled of clouds,
and rain
and rainbows
:)

now
even lullabies
won't heal me

"sleep-where-art-thou..~~~?"
:"(

khamis dtg lagi

2011-09-22T00:34:00.000-07:00

-postcall

l.satu OT standby and satu baby grunting

and satu adult patient Leptospirosis yg aggresive and refuse Ryles (feeding)tube insertion tapi bila i masukkan dgn segala penuh lemah-lembut-pengacara-jmputan-nona-nya alih2 dia ok pulak,..hahhaT__T

Malaysia(Harimau Malaya) vs Nippon (Kabuki Boys)

-malaysia kalah..adoi yai ... T___T *takpa cuba lagi^^*

-postcall

letih-tertidor di kereta .

=miserable bebeno..*didodoi2 oleh Late Night Alumni*-

sbb ICU oncall room sejuk-gila-nak mati :'(

-3 ulcer di gusi dan lidah ..

GUSI dan LIDAH.......>:o

*GAAHHHHHARGGHHH*

maka kena 'bersahabat baek' dgn ,paracetamol 650,thymol gargle dan air putih

-Paeds clinic

*smiled when the 3 yr old girl took the steth away from my neck

and begin to wear it on her ears,just like earrings,and listened to her own small heartbeat,and then smiled at her own antics-

and she did it smoothly, a 3 year old,mind you :)-- !!!

= like it was the most normal thing to do ^^ so cute omg!!*

-cuci keta.

then wax sekali. rm 42. mane nak dapat rm42 kan,kat labuan je laa kot :)))

tapi i bagi tip rm10 kat abg cuci kereta tu :')

---sbb bersungguh2 benar dia mncuci kereta i. terharu sgt ~~~.teliti gila..:)

Khamis.Postcall.Relaks.

dia di mana mana

2011-09-20T04:37:00.000-07:00

you're always there
starbucks/kedai mamak/gym/midvalley/wad/trauma/red zone/cafe/ofis/surau/simpang empat depan hostel/koridor tepi wad paeds/carpark sempit/jamuan raya labor room/tepi seat kereta

you're everywhere
fikiran/mimpi/dalam frame gambar atas meja/desktop computer/kertas di thumbtack in my room/wallie h'phone/jpeg. file dalam folder Adobe/small love note dalam loker kereta/a DSC file in my sony TSC900/alam ghaib/dalam secawan kopi hitam/nota2 diari/coretan atas belakang punch card

------------------------------------

hey you.
yes you.

i know this is a terrible thing to say..
but yeah,
after nearly 3 years....

i...

miss you.
seriously.

*sigh*

but that doesn't ever mean,
d o e s n t e v e r m e a n

that i want you

back
in
my
life

...................

that black poison

2011-09-17T10:09:00.000-07:00

i love it so much seems like i can't live without it

(eh boleh je kot ~~ tapi ,..macam tak best la..)

that simple black streak:)

1st time blaja pakai masa i houseman(around 2008-2009).

*sbb zaman tu,si houseman2 yg postcall punye muke punyelaa selebet mcm indon anemia tak cukup makan mata puyu merah siap ada eye bag bengkak segala TT__TT maka at that time, terpaksa laa carik idea apa nak buat supaya muka yg layu mcm ntahhapehape ni agar nampak sedikit presentable and er,..normal *er*

and suddenly strangely u know who triggered me to wear eyeliners?

not Yuna,not Ella or those korean kpop gurls.

it's actually a guy.

A GUY.

yup i tergerak(terbuka pintu) hati nak pakai/belaja pakai eyeliner after i teruja tgok sorg mamat ni pakai eyeliner.

and i macam,..

"wow,org laki pakai mende ni pun nmpk cun siot.berseri gile muke dia.wow,misti try ni"

*so wrong kan?hahahahhaa~~~T_T*

No,no no .

It's NOT Adam Lambert.

You're so dead wrong. Keep on guessing,babes. Haha~~

apepun,

I adore this,so much=)

That,

that simple black thing.

that can make

eyes livelier

pupils prettier

irises rounder

and smiles wider :)

i looooooove eyeliners- one of the greatest invention of mankind i must say:)

sapa setuju ngan saya ,sila cepat2 angkat tangan ^^ !

*namun kajian saintifik menunjukkan tabiat kerap pakai eyeliner dgn teknik yg tidak betul akan mmpercepatkan pembetukan 'eyecrows' or kedut di bahagian tepi mata. awwww no~ :"(*

wordless friday :)

2011-09-16T00:16:00.000-07:00

ini buat saya hampir menangis. *pliz klik utk gambar yg lebih HQ*

.....
dan teringat,
oh Tuhan
aku sungguh banyak dosa

sungguh lalai alpa

tak terhitungkan

:'(

*terima kasih Tuhan kerana menemukan saya dengan blog yg amat2 menginsafkan ini*
http://langitilahi.com/

*eh eh cakap wordless friday konon tapi berjela jugak ngkau menulisnye ape kes..:;p*

apepun,..Hilal Asyraf, keep on writing :)
*terus serta merta buat wallie:)*

boleh tak jika hidup ini bagai windows media player?

2011-09-14T08:40:00.000-07:00

Tuhan,..

boleh tak saya nak
jatuh cinta berulang kali..?

*boleh tak,..

kalau hidup ini bagai Windows Media Player?
ada scroll bar
yg boleh ku scroll balik ke belakang dan ke depan ,
boleh tak
aku forwardkan detik2 cinta/indah/happy/bahagia segala
dan ulang2 ia kembali
sebanyak2nya/sepuas/semahunya hati..???

boleh ..,tak ..?

*(jyj,i'm truly smitten)
^^

light-flirting

2011-08-23T16:54:00.000-07:00

i miss KL lights :')
*and cendol and rojak and starbucks venti ice blended mocha and movies and midvalley and lepak kat sofa best kat rumah and mama and awan kelabu hujan KL and azan from surau tepi rumah and kari ayam mama and baca novel di meja dapur and roti kukus Oldtown and white coffee secawan dua hihi ^^*

wordless friday

2011-08-18T08:52:00.000-07:00

can i ?

2011-08-18T07:49:00.000-07:00

can i ?

put on
a midnight black
blindfold
on your pretty eyes
*twist it in a tight ribbon*

and
tie you to a chair

and..
(don't worry i tak buat bende pelik pelik di bulan ramadhan okay~~~)

and
*immediately pulls a headphone on your ears*
and plays this song on a replay mode

so you kene dengar sampai habis *no choice haha* :)

........................

*while i sit there
and watch you.........*

apakah :o
(haha sungguh pelik di situ)

p/s: this pretty,dreamy song ,by LNA (Late Night Alumni) -i'm soo in love with them:)
i actually accidentally came to know about it's existence while i was browsing make up vids on how to apply eyeliner without creating a premature wrinkle on your eyelids by Michelle Phan
(er Michelle Phan is actually a very famous Youtube make up guru-she'd helped millions and millions of dope like me haha~~~)

nevertheless,this song is a very good one everybody must listen to it meh~~:p

*humming LNA songs while applying mascara like a pro (like Michelle Phan :p )*
so ,..all thanks to her..~~!

syg 1000X syg

2011-08-16T11:25:00.000-07:00

kepada awak
ya ,awak....

yang pernah

tunggu di depan wad
muka mengantuk
dengan mocha
dan KFC OR dinner set
lewat jam 11 malam
*sbb awak tahu time tu
saya busy oncall dan belum sempat dinner~
*aww sweet mmg saya caer luluh tersejat jadi awan:) ~!*

yang pernah

hantar berjuta
sms/goodluck/morning/evening/night semua
lontar beribu segala
kata sayang/janji/sumpah setia

juga segedung
semanis madu sajak
seindah bait poetri poetri
dan ubatkan bisa rindu
yg bertakung di hati hari hari

yang pernah

bertakhta
nombor satu atas carta jiwa
ulung dan official menjadi
mutlak raja
dan
pemilik total hati ini dan segala

sayang,...
sayang 1000x sayang
sekarang
kita dah mcm tak pernah
ada
apa apa

*back to square one*

.............huh~
it's a waste i guess

such a waste.

sayang,....
sayang 1000x sayang
jodoh kita sekerat
sekerat jalan...

snap and ngap

2011-08-16T00:15:00.000-07:00

aktiviti di Labuan

yang bikin saya sedikit happy

;)

(selain discharge patient dan melayan kanak2 ribena)

is indeed

ngap and snap =)

1.ngap(makan makan makan)

oh ya,we're having our buka puasa at Tiara that night:)

after days of makan nasik hospital and EOD back to back macam sewel,i badly deserve a proper dinner with proper people *and plus a romantic background summore ahaa~~*

Alfresco.udang bakar.ketam masak cili.mushroom.endless vanilla icecream.sirap bandung.langit sunset.poolside.lagu background nasyid(and oh ya,..please i hate it when ada org sibuk2 psg lagu raya time bbuka puasa and esp when it was like baruu seminggu puasa kan sungguh lah WTH?? sabar sabar laa ye kak mek non oi~~)

and

2.snap

(loved it with my loyal Canon TSC 900 but too bad that night i had to rely on my lousy Nokia E5..)

enjoy!

Cheers! i do love Labuan,coz they have awesome seafood hihi!

and absolutely no traffic jam here !!!!

p/s: roti jala is one of my greatest weakness heehee~~!

when a doctor doodles :)

2011-08-09T06:19:00.001-07:00

doodling my heart out.

:')

Labuan, 12 more days to my home sweet home.

(and comfy bed, great,hot yummy semenanjung food,endless fun,smooth driving without all the 'macam-gampang 40km/h Labuan drivers :'P )

had been EOD for the past 2 weeks and it's really taking-it's toll-on-me..*sing it like maroon 5*

12 more days! yeaahhhh!~

wordless sunday

2011-08-06T19:31:00.000-07:00

*sungguh bias sbb hny uplod gmbr jj sahaja ahaha ;)*-what to do,coz he's my bias :)

damn.i love u guys too much.

please, come back.

as 5.

is it too hard a thing to ask?

ah~~ someday :')

2011-08-01T06:04:00.000-07:00

sungguh out-of-world :')

langit biru-rumput hijau-windmills= aahai~~~:)

jeles! :D
kenapa mesia takde kincir angin comel seperti ini..?

*feels like as if i could touch heaven :)*

Samyang Ranch Wind Turbines, Gangwon-do, South Korea

tempat Tuhan:)

*Terima kasih Tuhan

bumi yang kau beri ini,

terlalu banyak indahnya:)*

hee hee Korea lagi :p *sungguh 'bias' di situ heehee

sayang ..umur entahkan sempat entah tidak untuk ke sini :)

dun worry~ insyaAllah someday!~~

seperti dulu di mana saya puas berangan mau bergelumang

dalam lautan bunga carnola di Jeju, nah..Tuhan makbulkan itu!

*actually agak scary bila something yg kau asyik berangankan suddenly tb2 jadi kenyataan!*

p/s: ok set.cop tempat ni untuk homeymoon ke 3 ! *dgn nada konfiden*~~=)

rujukan di sini =http://chaemii.blogspot.com/

terkenang kenang eh eh

2011-07-30T08:15:00.001-07:00

zaman sekolah2:)

librarian
kain biru muda
ikat tali kasut
perhimpuan pagi pagi
berbondong2 pegi Koperasi time rehat
Geografi dan Matematik
buku garis garis
tunggu bas pukul 2 ptg

oh~~zaman muda muda ku yg indah...
:')

*if let say,..saya adalah salah seorg ahli boyband/artis and ada lagu hit yg memrlukan MV untuk lagu itu jadi lebih lebih hit lagi
*if la*----> maka saya akan buat video klip berlokasikan kat airport jugak ye anak anak :)

(motif?)
(dunno,but i have a 'thing' for airports,u know..~~~)